You’ve all been enjoying my little trip into Darcy Land so much that I sent a quick email off to Mr Darcy, er, Colin Firth and told him that there was quite a fan club in blogland and would he mind answering a few questions and he said “Oh, alright, as long as you don’t ask me any questions about that repressed upstart Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy. I’m trying to forget that nightmare. ”
So without further ado about nothing, I’ll share the interview.
DENISE: Mr Darcy, er sorry, Mr Firth, I’ve really relished your roles in Bridget Jones, Love Actually (especially when you dived in the water) and thought you were a hoot in Mumma Mia! Now which role is your favourite?
MR FIRTH: My favourite role is being a father. Do you want to hear about my offspring?
(I’ve been reading a lot of Pride and Prejudice sequels and for the life of me couldn’t remember his and Elizabeth’s kids’ names. Never mind, he was about to fill me in…)
DENISE: Er, yeah, of course. Now you and Eliza…
MR FIRTH: (Breaks in quite rudely) LIVIA and I have two sons – Luca, nine, and Matteo, seven. And I have a wonderful son Will, twenty. They’re my best performance yet.
DENISE: But kids can be so exhausting! Aren’t you worried you’ll lose your looks?
MR FIRTH: (Smirks) Exhausting! You want to try stammering your way through The King’s Speech. My God. I was in a physical battle. I was so tense my arm kept going to sleep. Truly. Those long speeches were hell. Not to mention all the swearing. I’m worried that the Queen will never give me a gong now that I’ve revealed how much her father swore when he was out of earshot.
DENISE: That film was something else. I liked the Aussie having the upper hand, er, sorry, that just slipped out. (Mr Firth nods, smirks) Ahem, how do you deal with all the adulation that being a sex symbol brings?
MR FIRTH: (Laughs uproariously) Sex symbol? Moi? I say thanks for the smiles, but my heart belongs to my lovely Livia. I need my wife and children to keep my head from exploding. I hate being fawned over. (See, I’m really not like Darcy). I can’t tolerate inflated notions about self.
DENISE: Really? Look, I know you made me promise, but please Mr Firth, please, seeing you’ve brought up Mr Darcy yourself, I’m doing a series on Byronic Heroes and of course Mr Darcy features. So would you at least tell my readers if there’re any similarities between you and Mr Darcy? It’s an age-old question only you can answer.
MR FIRTH: (Sighs a Darcy sigh) Oh, if I must then. I don’t identify with Darcy at all! I’m open with my emotions. Being married to an Italian I’ve become much more exuberant. Nearly lost my British stiff upper lip altogether – although I’m mindful I might need it for the next role. You should see me sitting down to a lavish meal at a Tuscan table. Not a stiff upper lip in sight. Mr Darcy would faint with the horror. He could never let himself go enough to embrace that extraordinary appreciation of life, the repressed twit.
DENISE: Well, then, so off the subject of Mr Darcy. Tell us a little about your view of romance.
MR FIRTH: Sorry, I’m not the sort to sit and watch a weepy movie and sigh sweetly. I’m more interested in the hero overcoming obstacles.
DENISE: (Grasping at straws, not of the martini type) So who’s your favourite Byronic Hero? Darcy? Rochester? Heathcliff?
MR FIRTH: Xena. Are you including her in the series? You must. I’ll visit.
DENISE: Weelll, I was investigating Rochester next.
MR FIRTH: That two-timing sly secretive broody moody cad. Pah!
I hope you enjoyed my interview with the enigmatic Mr Firth or Mr Darcy. Whoever.
(In case any of you were completely hoodwinked by the evil Denise, sadly, this is a completely fictional interview.)
Catch Mr Rochester later in the week.