You’ve all been enjoying my little trip into Darcy Land so much that I sent a quick email off to Mr Darcy, er, Colin Firth and told him that there was quite a fan club in blogland and would he mind answering a few questions and he said “Oh, alright, as long as you don’t ask me any questions about that repressed upstart Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy. I’m trying to forget that nightmare. ”
So without further ado about nothing, I’ll share the interview.
DENISE: Mr Darcy, er sorry, Mr Firth, I’ve really relished your roles in Bridget Jones, Love Actually (especially when you dived in the water) and thought you were a hoot in Mumma Mia! Now which role is your favourite?
MR FIRTH: My favourite role is being a father. Do you want to hear about my offspring?
(I’ve been reading a lot of Pride and Prejudice sequels and for the life of me couldn’t remember his and Elizabeth’s kids’ names. Never mind, he was about to fill me in…)
DENISE: Er, yeah, of course. Now you and Eliza…
MR FIRTH: (Breaks in quite rudely) LIVIA and I have two sons – Luca, nine, and Matteo, seven. And I have a wonderful son Will, twenty. They’re my best performance yet.
DENISE: But kids can be so exhausting! Aren’t you worried you’ll lose your looks?
MR FIRTH: (Smirks) Exhausting! You want to try stammering your way through The King’s Speech. My God. I was in a physical battle. I was so tense my arm kept going to sleep. Truly. Those long speeches were hell. Not to mention all the swearing. I’m worried that the Queen will never give me a gong now that I’ve revealed how much her father swore when he was out of earshot.
DENISE: That film was something else. I liked the Aussie having the upper hand, er, sorry, that just slipped out. (Mr Firth nods, smirks) Ahem, how do you deal with all the adulation that being a sex symbol brings?
MR FIRTH: (Laughs uproariously) Sex symbol? Moi? I say thanks for the smiles, but my heart belongs to my lovely Livia. I need my wife and children to keep my head from exploding. I hate being fawned over. (See, I’m really not like Darcy). I can’t tolerate inflated notions about self.
DENISE: Really? Look, I know you made me promise, but please Mr Firth, please, seeing you’ve brought up Mr Darcy yourself, I’m doing a series on Byronic Heroes and of course Mr Darcy features. So would you at least tell my readers if there’re any similarities between you and Mr Darcy? It’s an age-old question only you can answer.
MR FIRTH: (Sighs a Darcy sigh) Oh, if I must then. I don’t identify with Darcy at all! I’m open with my emotions. Being married to an Italian I’ve become much more exuberant. Nearly lost my British stiff upper lip altogether – although I’m mindful I might need it for the next role. You should see me sitting down to a lavish meal at a Tuscan table. Not a stiff upper lip in sight. Mr Darcy would faint with the horror. He could never let himself go enough to embrace that extraordinary appreciation of life, the repressed twit.
DENISE: Well, then, so off the subject of Mr Darcy. Tell us a little about your view of romance.
MR FIRTH: Sorry, I’m not the sort to sit and watch a weepy movie and sigh sweetly. I’m more interested in the hero overcoming obstacles.
DENISE: (Grasping at straws, not of the martini type) So who’s your favourite Byronic Hero? Darcy? Rochester? Heathcliff?
MR FIRTH: Xena. Are you including her in the series? You must. I’ll visit.
DENISE: Weelll, I was investigating Rochester next.
MR FIRTH: That two-timing sly secretive broody moody cad. Pah!
I hope you enjoyed my interview with the enigmatic Mr Firth or Mr Darcy. Whoever.
Stay tuned.
(In case any of you were completely hoodwinked by the evil Denise, sadly, this is a completely fictional interview.)
Catch Mr Rochester later in the week.
Denise :)
