Wednesday, 23 March 2011

Second Crusader Challenge - Flash Fiction FREEDOM RIDERS

Thanks to Rach Writes we have a second crusader challenge, ending March 25. This time we have to write a flash fiction piece of 100 words starting with the words - "The goldfish bowl teetered...". Rach also suggests that we write in the genre we used when we signed up as a crusader. I signed up in two groups - Romantic Suspense and Romance. No romance at the beginning, but who knows where this story might end:

FREEDOM RIDERS


The goldfish bowl teetered on the edge of the display table. Rosie spun around to see a flood of water splattering onto the tiled floor. She tried to grab the lip of the bowl, but too late.  The whole shebang went crashing – the greenery, the little pebbles, the pump and the surprised-looking goldie.

“What the hell have you done now, loser?”
Rosie hung her head. The goldfish was gasping for air, riding the low tide, swimming to the front door and freedom.

Why not?
“Loser!”
No, I’m a winner, she chuckled to herself as she slammed the door behind her.

THE END

After you leave a comment, please go here to read some more.


50 comments:

Cherie Reich said...

Great job! I love the description when it fell - "the greenery, the little pebbles, the pump and the surprised-looking golide." I also like how Rosie realizes she isn't a loser too. :)

Unknown said...

Great job! Love that the fish is headed for freedom. :)

Theresa Milstein said...

Shebang - not used enough in literature. Oppressed goldfish looking for freedom. Hope the little one finds it!

Akoss said...

Interesting how she saw her own freedom in the fish swimming out the door.
Thanks for stopping by to read my entry :)

Unknown said...

That's a funny story in a sad sort of way. I like it!

Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy said...

haha I love it! It's hard to keep it at only 100 words. Well done.

Michael Di Gesu said...

Very fun, read. I can visualize the gold fish surfing for freedom.

Karen Lange said...

Nicely done. Now that's an example of very flash fiction!

Trisha said...

What she just left the fishy gasping?!?! ;)

I do so love flash fiction!

Sierra Gardner said...

This is great - I love the last line.

Denise Covey said...

Cherie, Jen, Theresa, Michael, Sierra, Trisha, Karen, Lynda, Clarissa, Acoss: Thank you all for your enjoyment of my flash.

Trisha: Well, she'll be scooping up goldie before she slams the door or will she? You just gotta use your imagination in flash...

Denise<3

The Sisterhood said...

Nice entry! Good luck in the contest!

♥ Mary Mary

Denise Covey said...

Thanks dear Mary Mary.:)

Alleged Author said...

Swim free little fish!

Summer Ross said...

Great job with the challenge! I like the freedom aspect and the title!

Denise Covey said...

Alleged amd Summer: Thanks for thinking of the freedom fighter fish.

Denise<3

Rebecca Dupree said...

I love the description in your story. Great job with so few words. Also, gret picture.

Denise Covey said...

Rebecca: Thanks and nice to meet you.

Amanda Milner said...

Great visuals in your piece! I've read a lot of goldfish meeting their demise so far...so I have decided your little goldie made it to freedom. Lol!

Joanna St. James said...

am I allowed to pick faves? your story made me want to cheer for goldie and her cute fins.

mooderino said...

Very original story, I liked it very much. Will keep an eye on your AZ challenge (I'm doing it too).
cheers,
mood

scribbleandedit.blogspot.co.uk said...

Heavens! Poor Rosie and poor Goldfish! :O)

Rachael Harrie said...

Ooh, very intriguing. I totally think the goldfish makes it out alive ;) And "the whole shebang" - love it :D

Hugs,

Rach

Hart Johnson said...

Oh, very cute story! I like it... still need to get to that...

Carol Riggs said...

Nice flashfic, and like Cherie Reich said, the details of the pebbles and greenery (etc) are great description. Rah for Rosie and the fishie!

Crystal Collier said...

Women can be so vindictive.

Ben Langhinrichs said...

Interesting take to have the woman inspired by the goldfish. Nice!

Michelle Merrill said...

I like how you described everything that came out of the goldfish bowl. It gave the flashfic some detail :)

And I love how the fish is on its way to freedom. Great picture too.

Denise Covey said...

Great to see that the general consensus is that goldie survived. Course it did...

Donea Lee said...

Fun and nicely descriptive! Love it! :) Rosie IS a winner!

Denise Covey said...

Donea: Thank you, 'coz she is.

Sarah Ketley said...

"go little fish GO..."

Great entry!

Good luck :)

Sarah

Kari Marie said...

I love the imager of Goldie riding the low tide to freedom. I love the ending!

J.C. Martin said...

I like how both the fish and Rosie is heading for freedom. Good on her!

alberta ross said...

go fish go fish - nice one

Unknown said...

A true lemons-to-lemonade story! I was rooting for the narrator :)) Great entry, Denise!

Anonymous said...

Excellent reapartee, I love the line 'riding the low tide'. Great post!

jkraus8464 said...

Loved it. The whole shebang....was a great word choice and unusual.

Alison Pearce Stevens said...

Riding the low tide to freedom--that's great!

Denise Covey said...

Constance, Kari Marie, JC, Alberta, Nicole, Catherine, Jeanne, Alison: Thank you all for your kind comments and rooting for little goldie and freedom!

Denise<3

Margo Benson said...

Fabulous flash piece! So visual and so much story in there - excellent!

Denise Covey said...

Margo: Thanks!

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed this one...nicely done!

Nikki

Witless Exposition said...

A sad little story, but with a bit of hope at the end!

J.L. Campbell said...

Very interesting to see what different people have done in this challenge.

Loved this line...The goldfish was gasping for air, riding the low tide, swimming to the front door and freedom.

Anonymous said...

Very nice imagery. Loved it. And I agree with J.L. Campbell, loved the line ... swimming to the front door and freedom. Very nice.

Denise Covey said...

Thanks for reading and glad you liked it.

Danette said...

Hi Denise! Enjoyed the Goldfish story very much. I hope the fish makes it!! LOL

Adina West said...

Oooh, love how you have her 'escape' mirroring the gold fish's. Guess she showed...whichever charming type was calling her a loser!

Denise Covey said...

Thank you all for your comments!