Thanks to Dawn Embers for hosting the Word Paint Blogfest. Description is called for, so I've tweaked the beginning of a short flash I had in the 'forgotten' file. Read and enjoy, then use the link above to read some more...
She was hurting all over. The mattress was lumpy and scratchy; her sides ached from tossing and turning. She felt something biting, stinging her face. She groaned, clapping her hands, trying to scare whatever it was before she was eaten alive. ‘Ouch!’ she whimpered. ‘Pesky little creatures!’ she snarled through clenched teeth. She slapped at the air a few more times, then groped around, looking for a light switch.
Her water glass fell with a clunk and a splish onto the wooden floor. ‘Darn!’ she whispered as loud as she dared. ‘Ha!’ Finally her fingers found an object and she pressed hard. ‘Whoops!’ she squeaked, clamping her hands over her mouth. The radio blared, filling the night with foreign chatter. She felt a knob and turned...Phew! Silence…
She looked around in the semi darkness, alert to strange sounds seeping in through her tiny window.The call to prayer was echoing across the rooftops. The city was awakening. She knew that somewhere on top of a minaret there was a muezzin calling the faithful to the mosque to pray. But did he have to use a microphone? Her poor head.
She held her head in her hands, gathering her thoughts, waiting for her heartbeat to settle. Then she discovered what felt like an old-fashioned light switch.
‘Whoa!’
Her feet hit the damp floor. She gasped, aghast. Miniscule moving mites covered her bedclothes. She couldn’t make out what they were. What creepy crawlies do they have here? How did they get in? Did I bring them with me in my backpack? Did I brush against something on my way up the stairs?
Never mind how they got in. They were here, now, thousands of the little blighters. She threw back the moist covers and got to work, smacking madly, making little red smears on the greyish-white cotton. ‘Take that! And that! You little monsters!’ she hissed.
Seeing no further signs of life, she ripped the sheets off the bed and shook them, snapping hard, imagining tiny black bodies floating in the air. Smiling grimly, she straightened the bedding, wondering if she’d be brave enough to dive back in. Why not! I’m not some wuss! She snapped off the light.
She tried to sleep. But she couldn’t stop imagining little critters crawling around in her hair like PacMan, Chomp! Chomp! After awhile the thought was comforting. She tossed and turned, scratching her head, her arms, her stomach, thinking, thinking...
Solo travel could be a bitch. Even PacMan was company.
So please leave a comment, then click the link above to read more.
©Denise Covey, 2010
She was hurting all over. The mattress was lumpy and scratchy; her sides ached from tossing and turning. She felt something biting, stinging her face. She groaned, clapping her hands, trying to scare whatever it was before she was eaten alive. ‘Ouch!’ she whimpered. ‘Pesky little creatures!’ she snarled through clenched teeth. She slapped at the air a few more times, then groped around, looking for a light switch.
Her water glass fell with a clunk and a splish onto the wooden floor. ‘Darn!’ she whispered as loud as she dared. ‘Ha!’ Finally her fingers found an object and she pressed hard. ‘Whoops!’ she squeaked, clamping her hands over her mouth. The radio blared, filling the night with foreign chatter. She felt a knob and turned...Phew! Silence…
She looked around in the semi darkness, alert to strange sounds seeping in through her tiny window.The call to prayer was echoing across the rooftops. The city was awakening. She knew that somewhere on top of a minaret there was a muezzin calling the faithful to the mosque to pray. But did he have to use a microphone? Her poor head.
She held her head in her hands, gathering her thoughts, waiting for her heartbeat to settle. Then she discovered what felt like an old-fashioned light switch.
‘Whoa!’
Her feet hit the damp floor. She gasped, aghast. Miniscule moving mites covered her bedclothes. She couldn’t make out what they were. What creepy crawlies do they have here? How did they get in? Did I bring them with me in my backpack? Did I brush against something on my way up the stairs?
Never mind how they got in. They were here, now, thousands of the little blighters. She threw back the moist covers and got to work, smacking madly, making little red smears on the greyish-white cotton. ‘Take that! And that! You little monsters!’ she hissed.
Seeing no further signs of life, she ripped the sheets off the bed and shook them, snapping hard, imagining tiny black bodies floating in the air. Smiling grimly, she straightened the bedding, wondering if she’d be brave enough to dive back in. Why not! I’m not some wuss! She snapped off the light.
She tried to sleep. But she couldn’t stop imagining little critters crawling around in her hair like PacMan, Chomp! Chomp! After awhile the thought was comforting. She tossed and turned, scratching her head, her arms, her stomach, thinking, thinking...
Solo travel could be a bitch. Even PacMan was company.
So please leave a comment, then click the link above to read more.
©Denise Covey, 2010
28 comments:
I have dry skin and sometimes at night, I itch. All over. I really hope I don't think about this post tonight! I could totally feel her discomfort. Like, really. Shudder.
The Words Crafter: Yes, it gets you like that doesn't it? Scratch, scratch..:)
ACK! My skin was crawling as I read this. There is no way I would have climbed back into that bed.
Wonderful!
Thanks so much for your visit.
Nancy
I like "clunk and splish." I think this is onomatopoeia.
Now I will feel little creepy crawlys all over. I think I got a couple of welts just reading this. I've got to go find the anti-itch cream now.
Oh and by the way very descriptive. Dang it.
Hi,
Up Now - (UK awake) - that's something a man dare not say except in private!
OMG. I'm itching all over!
Great scene, vividly capturing the unexpected visitors enjoying their meal, and would make for excellent TV ad for anti bed-bug spray! ;)
best
F
Thanks - I officially have the heebie-jeebies now!
Wow, that was amazing and completely gross! I had to keep scratching myself while I read. But your words were painted well.
CD
Good post. i read through it pretty quickly. Thanks for posting. My favorite line: "But she couldn’t stop imagining little critters crawling around in her hair like PacMan, Chomp! Chomp!" it made me itch all over LOL
Eeew. Great itchy description. I'm officially scratching everywhere. And I'm curious as to where she is (so I can mark it off my list of places to visit LOL). Nice job! :D
Bleh! I was totally creeped out...great job! The red smears on the grey cotton was a nice touch. Wonderful post.
Edge of Your Seat Romance
Fleur et Fleur, loveable homebody, Pamela Jo, Francine, L Diane Wolfe, Clarissa, Summer, Brenda, Raquel: Well, sorry for creeping y'all out, but it must have been somewhat descriptive in that case. Sorry! Itch, itch! ..:)
The image of the critters was bad enough but when "She threw back the moist covers and got to work, smacking madly, making little red smears on the greyish-white cotton." I really wished I wasn't there with her. You dragged me into that bed room kicking and screaming, your character took it all rather well!
Great post.
Nice contrast between the vastness of the call to prayer and the minor annoyances of mites. Colorful, in other words.
I'll say that's descriptive! Dang, I'm reading this just before bed too. Maybe I should toss all the bedding in the dryer first (lol).
.........dhole
Elaine, Postman, Donna: Looks like the description had the desired effect. Thanks for dropping by and commenting..:)
I was wiggling in discomfort reading this, so you painted an itchy picture!
Eeeps...don't want to remember this when I go to bed tonight!
Thanks for dropping by my blog and leaving a comment :)
I have to say I hated this.
Not because it was badly written, but because I have always had a ridiculous fear of such things. And now my skin is itchy. Thanks a lot.
lol
Seriously though, good entry. You obviously described it beautifully enough for me to be uncomfortable. :)
Now I've got the creepy crawlies all over. Gah! Good story!
Not my idea of a fun vacation.
Lee
Tossing It Out
You did such a terrific job with description that I'm itching all over!
Theresa, Damyanti, Erin, Eric, Arlee, Laura: Obviously my description worked, love it or hate it it had the desired effect. Thank you for wriggling, reading and commenting..:)
Another great flash. I started itching while I read it ;)
Lynda,yes, it had this affect on most people. Thanks for your comment..:)
Excellent job. Sometimes things like "pacman" can kind of date the writing but I think it works in this piece. I really liked it and the introduction paragraphs to the story.
Gave me the shivers and I found myself scratching while reading this haha. Great job!
Dawn, thanks for the PacMan comment. I would think that nearly everyone, even the younger gen would know PacMan. I must check that. Thanks for the comment..:)
WritersBlock: Sorry. It seemed to have this effect on many..:)
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