ON WRITING

“It’s very easy to quit during the first ten years of writing. Nobody cares whether you write or not, and it’s very hard to write when nobody cares one way or the other. You can’t get fired if you don’t write, and most of the time you don’t get rewarded if you do. But don’t quit.” Andre Dubus

Wednesday, 23 March 2011

Second Crusader Challenge - Flash Fiction FREEDOM RIDERS

Thanks to Rach Writes we have a second crusader challenge, ending March 25. This time we have to write a flash fiction piece of 100 words starting with the words - "The goldfish bowl teetered...". Rach also suggests that we write in the genre we used when we signed up as a crusader. I signed up in two groups - Romantic Suspense and Romance. No romance at the beginning, but who knows where this story might end:

FREEDOM RIDERS


The goldfish bowl teetered on the edge of the display table. Rosie spun around to see a flood of water splattering onto the tiled floor. She tried to grab the lip of the bowl, but too late.  The whole shebang went crashing – the greenery, the little pebbles, the pump and the surprised-looking goldie.

“What the hell have you done now, loser?”
Rosie hung her head. The goldfish was gasping for air, riding the low tide, swimming to the front door and freedom.

Why not?
“Loser!”
No, I’m a winner, she chuckled to herself as she slammed the door behind her.

THE END

After you leave a comment, please go here to read some more.


50 comments:

  1. Great job! I love the description when it fell - "the greenery, the little pebbles, the pump and the surprised-looking golide." I also like how Rosie realizes she isn't a loser too. :)

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  2. Great job! Love that the fish is headed for freedom. :)

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  3. Shebang - not used enough in literature. Oppressed goldfish looking for freedom. Hope the little one finds it!

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  4. Interesting how she saw her own freedom in the fish swimming out the door.
    Thanks for stopping by to read my entry :)

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  5. That's a funny story in a sad sort of way. I like it!

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  6. haha I love it! It's hard to keep it at only 100 words. Well done.

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  7. Very fun, read. I can visualize the gold fish surfing for freedom.

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  8. Nicely done. Now that's an example of very flash fiction!

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  9. What she just left the fishy gasping?!?! ;)

    I do so love flash fiction!

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  10. This is great - I love the last line.

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  11. Cherie, Jen, Theresa, Michael, Sierra, Trisha, Karen, Lynda, Clarissa, Acoss: Thank you all for your enjoyment of my flash.

    Trisha: Well, she'll be scooping up goldie before she slams the door or will she? You just gotta use your imagination in flash...

    Denise<3

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  12. Nice entry! Good luck in the contest!

    ♥ Mary Mary

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  13. Great job with the challenge! I like the freedom aspect and the title!

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  14. Alleged amd Summer: Thanks for thinking of the freedom fighter fish.

    Denise<3

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  15. I love the description in your story. Great job with so few words. Also, gret picture.

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  16. Rebecca: Thanks and nice to meet you.

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  17. Great visuals in your piece! I've read a lot of goldfish meeting their demise so far...so I have decided your little goldie made it to freedom. Lol!

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  18. am I allowed to pick faves? your story made me want to cheer for goldie and her cute fins.

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  19. Very original story, I liked it very much. Will keep an eye on your AZ challenge (I'm doing it too).
    cheers,
    mood

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  20. Heavens! Poor Rosie and poor Goldfish! :O)

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  21. Ooh, very intriguing. I totally think the goldfish makes it out alive ;) And "the whole shebang" - love it :D

    Hugs,

    Rach

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  22. Oh, very cute story! I like it... still need to get to that...

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  23. Nice flashfic, and like Cherie Reich said, the details of the pebbles and greenery (etc) are great description. Rah for Rosie and the fishie!

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  24. Interesting take to have the woman inspired by the goldfish. Nice!

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  25. I like how you described everything that came out of the goldfish bowl. It gave the flashfic some detail :)

    And I love how the fish is on its way to freedom. Great picture too.

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  26. Great to see that the general consensus is that goldie survived. Course it did...

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  27. Fun and nicely descriptive! Love it! :) Rosie IS a winner!

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  28. Donea: Thank you, 'coz she is.

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  29. "go little fish GO..."

    Great entry!

    Good luck :)

    Sarah

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  30. I love the imager of Goldie riding the low tide to freedom. I love the ending!

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  31. I like how both the fish and Rosie is heading for freedom. Good on her!

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  32. A true lemons-to-lemonade story! I was rooting for the narrator :)) Great entry, Denise!

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  33. Excellent reapartee, I love the line 'riding the low tide'. Great post!

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  34. Loved it. The whole shebang....was a great word choice and unusual.

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  35. Riding the low tide to freedom--that's great!

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  36. Constance, Kari Marie, JC, Alberta, Nicole, Catherine, Jeanne, Alison: Thank you all for your kind comments and rooting for little goldie and freedom!

    Denise<3

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  37. Fabulous flash piece! So visual and so much story in there - excellent!

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  38. I enjoyed this one...nicely done!

    Nikki

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  39. A sad little story, but with a bit of hope at the end!

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  40. Very interesting to see what different people have done in this challenge.

    Loved this line...The goldfish was gasping for air, riding the low tide, swimming to the front door and freedom.

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  41. Very nice imagery. Loved it. And I agree with J.L. Campbell, loved the line ... swimming to the front door and freedom. Very nice.

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  42. Thanks for reading and glad you liked it.

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  43. Hi Denise! Enjoyed the Goldfish story very much. I hope the fish makes it!! LOL

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  44. Oooh, love how you have her 'escape' mirroring the gold fish's. Guess she showed...whichever charming type was calling her a loser!

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  45. Thank you all for your comments!

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