Friday, 7 September 2012

#RomanticFridayWriters - Challenge No 44 - I Should Have Kissed You!

My Insecure Writers Support Group post is the previous post.

It's time for RomanticFridayWriters again! Today our prompt is I Should Have Kissed You. We have upped the word count to 600 for this Featured Writer challenge. Good luck to all who enter this weekend. Go to the RomanticFridayWriters website to learn more, or if you'd like to post your flash fiction or poetry. You have until Sunday AEST to enter via the linky.

I Should Have Kissed You

‘Tonight you’re mine. It’ll be like old times,’ Inya said as he drew Sally into his arms. He wrapped his arms beneath her and scooped her off her feet.

‘I should have kissed you like this six months ago. Maybe you wouldn’t have taken so long to come back.’

‘Why didn’t you?’

‘I was afraid.’


‘Yes. I thought I might scare you off if I got too intense. I knew you were leaving.’

‘Keep on kissing me like this and I’ll never leave.’

'That's the plan.' Inya lay Sally onto the soft sand. ‘I’m sorry it’s a bit damp.’

Sally giggled. ‘I need cooling off.’

‘Don’t want that.’

 Sally stroked his back. ‘I’m not going to stop you. I could stay here with you all night.’

She’d known it would happen. The promise was in his eyes as he fed her the magical picnic lunch. Every strawberry he’d placed on her lips was a delight. Every sip of the luscious champagne had gone straight to her head, until she was ready to make love with him right there under the palm tree in broad daylight.

But night had come. The moon was playing hide and seek with the clouds. The palm trees whispered.

‘Inya, these last six months were torture.’

‘Torture!’ Sally felt his grimace. ‘I couldn’t believe you’d come back to me.’ He kissed her face, her neck, her shoulders.

Only the lapping lagoon was witness to their loving.

Afterwards, they lay on their backs clutching hands, watching the stars glimmer in the black night.

‘So lovely to see the stars again,’ Sally murmured. ‘The skyscrapers got in the way in New York. I’d lean out of my apartment window, but it was no use. Wrong sky. Wrong constellations.’

‘One day I’m going to name a star for you, Sally. It’ll be the brightest new discovery. How would you like that?’

Now isn’t that amazing! applauded the voices in Sally’s head. ‘You’re my star, Inya. You’re the only constellation I want.’

Inya lifted her hand to his lips and kissed each finger. ‘So how are you going to manage your corporation from a Pacific Island?’ he asked, ‘And a pretty backward one at that?’

‘All sorted. Janine in my office as exec. She’ll do the day-to-day and I’ll be in contact all the time. You have the internet here, you know.’

‘It sounds simple, but somehow I know it’ll be a lot more complicated. I’m sure you’re going to have to go back to New York. A lot.’

‘Hmm. You’ll come with me then?’

‘I don’t know Sally. I’m just an islander. Left school at sixteen. What could I do in New York?’ He reached for her and flipped her over until she was lying on top of him. His arms were strong around her. She felt a powerful sense of comfort and security. Oh my, I’m home! One day soon she’d marry him, make him a wonderful wife and maybe down the track a mother. She could already see their gorgeous children running wild on the island, learning skills a city kid could only dream of.

She took his face into her hands. ‘Well, you could show the guys there a trick or two, like in the second Crocodile Dundee movie.’

‘The what?’ He looked into her eyes. ‘Is this the beginning of the re-education program?’

Sally tensed. Why couldn’t this be easier?She dropped her head on his shoulder and kissed him as the hot tears flowed. Any moment now he'd grab his surfboard and be gone for the rest of the night.


Full Critique Acceptable

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  1. So - how about now I go finish my submission. I tell ya girley I'm no good at responsibility . .

    Loved this continuation. Hmm; I feel the need for a fan to cool off. This was steamy, romantic, and wow, why do people with the most obstacles between them fall for each other. Oceans, corporations, lifestyle . .

    Well done Denise. Loved the tone, and the heat, and the way passion turned from sensuality to sensibility. This is starting to be a story :)


    1. Hmm. It is. Thanks hon. Now get back to that submission. I'd like to be writing but I have to re-read Of Mice and Men for a student tonight, grrrr. Back to George and Lennie...D

  2. Loved this. The path of true love never runs smoothly as they say.

  3. Woo-hoo, very steamy! I like this blissful scene, it hints that there may be trouble in paradise soon... it reminds me of this scene in Of Mice and Men when the guys were planning buying their dream home together and you just knew it wouldn't go that easy! (enjoy your read).
    And yes, the hat looked awesome :)

  4. Oh my! Denise!
    I agree with Donna. This is turning into a story -- with complications. I had a gut feeling that these questions would arise sooner or later.
    Well done.
    Best wishes,
    RFW - I should have kissed you

  5. I loved the passion and longing in this. Great scene.

  6. Glad she came back. Lot of kissing there.

  7. Very steamy indeed, although it seems they have some challenges up ahead. I hope they can work things out :) Will you continue this story?

  8. Oh yes, this ticked all the boxes for me. First I couldn't wipe the grin off my face, then just as I started to wonder if I'd wandered too far into la-la harp playing territory, I got the slap of reality! Nicely done, Denise:)

  9. Hi Denise
    Oh yes, I see a story emerging here. Love your characters and the challenges. The only thing that I can see is that they got to kiss instead of wondering what it would be like to kiss. Well written just the same.

  10. *sigh*

    And there's the catch. There's always a catch, especially when it all seems just so perfect. Is he wrong for not wanting more out of life or is she wrong for wanting to change him? You made me hope that things work out for them.


  11. She's corporate, he's a surfer...great sex, but trouble in paradise. Oh the story ahead. I liked that they kissed in this scene, but he'd regretted not doing it before. Now to learn who the next one is to have regrets. Maybe she regrets the kiss, maybe he does. Now you have to finish it!

    You made me see the possibilities

  12. Worlds apart, cultures apart, can their love keep them together. I do so hope they can work something out. I can feel the beginning of the friction there as they both struggle to compromise with their separate lives.

  13. Oh wow this definitely hits the spot. I like how you started with the should have kissed you line and led us from there. It's a wonderfully sensual piece.

  14. Conflict, the crux of a great romantic tale and you got that bang on here. How do they resolve their issues? I'd like to find out. Nice one.

  15. Hi,

    Lovely build up to sensual tease and inevitable sense of fulfilment, and then, then you leave us with an iffy situation "Will he Won't he?" Darn it! Now if this was in book format I'd have to read on to find out if it all works out to an HEA. ;)


  16. Why does love have to be so complicated? There is so much longing and passion and desire here I almost cried. Beautiful Denise!

  17. A complex, layered read...enjoyed it much...very satisfying that the kiss (and a few other things!) happened..and a very real life-like ending..hope there's going to be sequels

    1. Yes I think this story is not over yet Nilanjana. D

  18. This is a part of a bigger picture..! I am new here, so pardon my ignorance. I liked the way the words flowed and wish that the work it out, some how :)

  19. I can't find anything wrong with it, Sis! (I have only one pet peeve, and it's just me. I'd change the names to pronouns, the way it used to be done. Had an award winning fiction writer instructor years ago in the MFA program who said don't repeat names when it's clear who's talking. No one seems to do this anymore! Sigh. As I said, I guess it's just me...and maybe others my age?!)

    But, as commenters have said above, the writing does indeed flow. You just can't fail with this!!

    Have a GREAT weekend!!!

  20. Long distance romance is always a tough one. BUT, it can work out if the players are passionate enough.

    Tension, passion, skepticism, ... it's all there. Well done.

  21. I loved this continuation. I remember the other one well you are, being nice enough in allowing to get back together, have a good time thrown in, and then you drop the hammer of alternate lifestyles over poor Sally's head. "Ouch"

  22. Sally and her beloved islander.. I'm glad you continued with the story. I hope he goes back with her.. or she could stay. :)It'd make for a perfect ending!

  23. Oh! Loved the sensuality in the story. But what an ending....sigh....will they get together?

    1. Hmm, I don't know...Thanks for coming by Nas and reading about my trip to Mana Island, lol!

  24. I have to know if they'll get together.
    I'm stopping in for the chocolate blog hop. I'll check back later.

  25. How could you leave us like that?

    I swung by for the chocolate hop as well :)


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