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Memories
She was a fool to leave Paris.
The city where she feels safe.
She was a fool to come back.
Here.
Here holds too many memories, too many
secrets.
Memories and secrets she can no longer
ignore.
She must deal with them or she’ll never
reach her potential.
There. In front of her. The beach house,
its timbers broken and exposed. Since she escaped, years of relentless tides
have eaten away its foundations. It now teeters on the edge of the dunes, on
its knees in the sand, ready to surrender to a king tide.
Today the ocean holds no threat like it
did that night many years ago. Its gentle waves lap the sand, leaving a trail
of silvery froth and grit. Gazing at the peaceful sea, she almost forgets why
she ran away from her memories for so long. But the mind holds onto things,
remembers things best forgotten, overwhelms in the early morning hours when the
body is most vulnerable.
Confronted with the crumbling house, her
mind searches its dark recesses, unearthing hidden secrets which she thought
buried. Through the years, in her silent moments when the busyness of life
paused, it spoke so softly in the gentlest of whispers, as it tried to speak to
her of its memories. Then there were other times when her pain rushed to the
surface without warning, hurtling through her like a runaway train, threatening
to derail her altogether.
She cries, falls to her knees in the wet
sand. She no longer wants to carry that heavy sharp stone of hurt which has
kept her caged like a helpless bird.
She no longer wants to be a prisoner to
painful memories.
Memories of her last terrible night in the
house threaten to drown her in a tidal wave of hurt.
vvv
On the night she died to her old life, the
wind roared, the rain poured, the waves crashed. The Pacific swirled, rose and
fell in a dance of wave and tide. Then the winds calmed, the moon rose and sat
outside her window, bathing her in light.
She’d been asleep, tossing and turning
like the tide as she did every night. She’d opened her eyes and watched the
moonlight creep across her bed like a lover’s soft caress. The sheets tangled
and folded over the bed like waves. Kicking off the covers, she threw herself
across the bed like a beached whale.
The moon’s light overlooked the angry
welts criss-crossing her legs. The welts throbbed, but she had no ointments to
ease the pain. But the pain she felt inside at her father’s betrayal was worse
than any belting. There were no ointments to soothe that sharp pain.
The crashing waves heralded high tide.
Soon the water would rise to just below her window. The relentless pummeling
against the house posts, thump, thwack, thump, thwack, thump, thwack,
mimicked the sound and rhythm of her father’s belt as it cut her tender flesh
while her mother cowed in the corner, praying. For her husband’s soul? For her
daughter’s pain? Why didn’t she do something? Anything … But her mother was as
helpless as she.
Father would not be denied his will. She was
her father’s daughter. She would never give in. She would not marry the boy from Afghanistan her father chose for her. She would marry the man she loved.
There was a big storm earlier in the night
and now the rain starts again. Relentless. Like her father’s demands. He locked
her in her room until you come to your senses were his words. She
hasn’t been able to communicate with Ahmed since she was imprisoned, but she was
not afraid. She would escape her cage. She and Ahmet would be together. As
God willed.
She knew Ahmet waited for her beyond the
dunes. It was her hope. Her belief.
She wrapped her hand in the end of her sheet and
smashed the locked window, thankful the pelting rain muffled the sound of
breaking glass. Falling from the window, she was thankful she did not cut
herself on the jagged edges. The black night sucked her in. She swam for her
life in the treacherous waters, her robe tangled around her knees, threatening
to drag her under. Water filled her mouth and nose. Waves slapped her face but
fell more gently than her father's hands. She fought the urge to surrender to
the elements. No. She has waited too long for freedom. What was this water
compared to the joy that lay ahead, a new life with her love? Her name meant
‘Heart’s Wish.’ She would have her wish.
A new life in Paris. With Ahmet.
Her bare feet found sand at last. Running out of the water, she held
her sopping robe in her hands and sprinted toward the trees.
‘Emma Dil.’ Ahmed whispered her name from
his place on the dunes where he later told her he’d made a shelter and watched her window for many days.
Ahmed held her in his safe arms.
She was home.
vvv
Ahmed watches her now from the top of the
dunes, next to the crumbling wreck that had been her home when her family first
arrived from Afghanistan. Before it became her prison. A few long strides and
he is by her side. He gently lifts her from the sand. Cradles her. Rocks her
like a baby while she cries in his arms.
Her tears are healing.
She will be whole again.
‘My brave girl,’ he whispers.
Over her shoulder the house groans and
lurches, falls into the sea. Its timbers break up like skittles. The tide
reaches out its greedy hand and sucks it under the waves.
vvv vvv
WORD COUNT: 949
My main reason for surrendering the hosting of WEP is that I need more time to sort my stories/books for publishing. I have plenty. I am collating a series of short stories from various genres written over my 9 years with RFW and WEP challenges. Most have grown from the 400 word days of RFW and the current 1,000 word limit for WEP to between 2,000 and 4,000 words. The above story may be included in one of my collections, so please comment on how to improve it. As it's a PRESENT/PAST/PRESENT it's easy to make mistakes of tense.
Thank you!!!!
FCA
117 comments:
I am a multi-genre reader too, but my favourites are increasingly from the non-fiction spectrum.
Love your tale. Harsh, and real for far too many. For far too many who never escape, either literally or from the attacks of the three am horrors. A happy ending is such a hopeful (and perhaps empowering) touch in your story.
Sure can go anywhere with women's fiction indeed.
Sadly, many get stuck and continue the cycle at times too. Hopefully she stayed away forever indeed.
I like to read in many genres and age groups. I loved your story because as the story went on, we see more and more of your main character's problems and how she solved it. My only suggestion might be to get to scene with the father a little quicker.
Your flash is simply beautiful and I was very happy because there was hope and courage written in your female character, Emma Dill, that I love. Thank you for a refreshing flash.
I also read today that you're moving on and I find that great. Everything changes. The demands on our lives force us to set up priorities. I too have discovered that and it is also one of the reasons that I am not participating in the WEP this month. To stay focus means saying No to some things.
I truly wish you all the best. Maybe we will meet one another one day at a book fair and have a cup of coffee together. I would like that.
Shalom aleichem,
Pat G
Such a beautifully written story. Very poetic. I loved this line --> "The sheets tangled and folded over the bed like waves."
Cheers - Ellen
"The sheets tangled and folded over the bed like waves." That sentence also snared my fancy, Denise. You did a wonderful job. I wish you the highest of sales with your next books!
As for genres I like to read and write ... I believe my fondness for speculative fiction is what keeps me off the Must Buy list of many. Yet, I feel if do not write what you love, no one will love what you do write. :-)
You write what you are comfortable with - and obviously what you enjoy.
We have issues? Never.
You handled the flashback very well, Denise. The image of the house, the crashing waves, her pain at the memories--all vivid and heart-tugging.
There's definitely a lot of different options when you're writing women's fiction.
Wow! So evocative and powerful. Stunning stuff. Here's hoping you've got more time to sort through everything now.
Love the story and its happy ending. You write about a strong woman, the one who reached for her dreams, and attained it too.
Thank you Sue. Sort of similar to yours. Go the happy ending!
Hopefully Pat.
I value your opinion Natalie and will look at that and see if I can in keeping with the story.
Pat, I bask in the warmth of your words. You're always a fan of the happy ending, not so much the horror. I want Emma Dill to be happy and free.
Thank you Ellen. You are kind to say so.
Thanks Roland. WF is a very popular genre so I may well sell a few. Thankfully I write what I love although writing to market seems crucial if you want to sell heaps.
Thanks Lee.
There are indeedy.
High praise coming from you Nick. Glad you liked it. I eventually hope to get more time.
Ah, don't we love a strong woman, yet my critters often say they're not strong enough LOL. Maybe they want woman like Xena the Warrior Princess. Hmm. Better take a look...:-)
Strong piece. I too love the "sheets tangled" line.
I am so with you on the name for "Women's Fiction". It really doesn't do the genre justice.
Great story.
Being an eclectic reader makes you a better writer :)
good story. I don't see anything that needs improving but I'm too amateurish to give any suggestions.
I'm always for happy endings but I also kind of think leaving her mother by herself with her father might just make her father get violent with her mother, I guess in situations like these, it's hard to decide who is in more in need of an escape, the mother or the daughter. you didn't say what happen to the mother though.
have a lovely day.
Women's Fiction encompasses so much. So glad you enjoy writing what your heart tells you.
Hi Denise
This is a powerful and beautifully written sentence. It now teeters on the edge of the dunes, on its knees in the sand, ready to surrender to a king tide. Improvement can be made by deleting the word 'It.' in the beginning. Not necessary.
If you need a critique partner for your project, I can help you. I'm a member of an awesome critique group and if you'd like to join I can submit your name.
Nancy
There are times when people say "keep trying, keep going" but it doesn't work because the world has become too foreign a place. Your protagonist is a person in just such a position.
I'm in kind of a bleak mood today, so I can fully identify with the desire to just be washed out to sea and not have to continue a fight which seems unwinnable.
Yeah, that's how I imagined she would feel.
Thanks Nancy. I think it does need the 'it', but critiquing is such a subjective thing isn't it? Thanks for the critique partner offer. I'm good for now.
Thanks Lissa. Thanks for joining the challenge. I believe the mother will be better off with her brute of a husband after Emma Dil leaves. I wanted to show her powerlessness. The story is not the mother's, but the daughter's.
I'm sure it helps!
That's so true, but it's ingrained. Look, they tried to cut 'chick lit' too but everyone still uses the term.
This is dark and poignant and hopeful and stunning all at the same time. I always find your descriptions moving. Particularly liked the metaphor of memories being a cage, they so often are and people never break free. Glad that she could and be with the man she loved.
A couple of typos - but those will get ironed out at the first edit. All the very best, Denise.
You will be missed more than you can ever imagine.
That kind of inbred dominance makes me boil, too. Powerful writing.
A moving story, that use metaphors in a superb manner. Well done, Denise.
Now you've given me a punch! Typos! Where! Gah! Now I'll get out my magnifying glass! Glad you were able to read the story despite it, Nila. Thanks for your kind words.
Boil. Boil. Thanks Ian. Now I've started I'll want to write about more Emma Dil's.
Thanks Christopher.
My heart is racing from this. Powerful and a hot-button topic for me as well. Well done
If you want to contact me, aol won't let me into my old email address. So I have a new one. Here it is.
author.n.r.williams@gmail.com
Thank you Jemi. Always good to make the reader's heart race.
Hi Denise - what a great tale - I kept on thinking about the 1953 floods we had here ... where houses toppled into the North Sea ... in the UK and in Holland - I could see it ... feel it - cold ... cruelty from her father ... I hope he got swept into the sea ... but am so happy they were able to be safe and together ... well done - loved it!
Oh and good luck with pulling all your stories together for publication etc ... Cheers Hilary
Thanks Hilary. Yes, I've seen my share of floods in Queensland and I could just imagine how it felt. Brr.
A well written piece showing bravery and courage in the face of adversity, human and nature.
Beautifully and cleverly crafted - unlike the beach house. The imagery was strong as was the characterisation. I liked the contrast between the present and the past. One minor correction was the spelling of 'Ahmed' / 'Ahmet' - or was there a reason behind that?
Thanks Sally.
Thanks Roland. I did that thing with Ahmed’s name to see if anyone noticed. Just kidding. My bad. Both spellings are correct but I overlooked that. Eagle Eye!
And you’ll be happy to know we’re going back to InLinkz next challenge.
This piece is so powerful. The sound of the waves reminding her of the lashes from her father's belt sent shivers down my spine. I'm so glad she was strong enough to withstand and ultimately escape the abuse. Not all are so fortunate. Wonderfully done!
Thanks Laura. Glad you like it and the similes.
Fantasy and horror are my first loves, but I've gravitated to WF as I've grown older. I like writing it, as you say, it is versatile for any theme/genre without having the tropes overwhelm the woman's story.
Beautifully written excerpt; loved all the crashing waves, then the calmness of watching and experiencing all that natural violence. A good counter point to the family violence and drama. Too many women and children live in that environment. Well done.
Good luck with your writing/publishing adventures. I remember how much time RFW consumed, and I imagine WEP, even with four partners, is even more of a "job". I hope you hanging in there another month or three gets all the issues resolved.
Take care.
Thanks Donna. I hope so. WEP will be better than ever.
Denise - I just feel that WEP won't be the same without you. First Yolanda Renee and now you. Having said that, I laud your decision to sort out your stories.
And now to the caged bird - very atmospheric, love the happy ending. Very plausible story. The changes in tense were skilfully done. And yes, Ahmed/Ahmet. Powerful and gritty.
So, this brave young woman broke free of more than her father. She faced down the 'cage' of tradition, and, luckily, she was met with love that healed and sustained her. Would that more women found this way free. Beautifully told. Part of me wonders what she would have done if Ahmet had not been there. May the rest of your writing go well as you shake free from too many commitments. Write on!
Pulls the heartstrings!
Thanks Jamie.
She's the sort to make it alone I'm sure. The fact that she had an Ahmet was a bonus.
Thanks Kalpanaa. Already back at WEP. Some things never change, eh? Only way to keep it the way I want and it's going to be better than ever. I'll still find time for my publishing, I hope.
Just me on the next round. So glad my last statement is now no longer true! So. Very. Glad.
Oh want a haunting story! I can feel all the emotions this woman was experiencing. Well written!
I love the imagery in this piece, especially with the house crumbling into the sea at the end. It's heart-breaking and healing at the same time.
Thanks Carrie Ann.
That's what I wanted to show, Tyrean. Thank you.
Yes, you must find time for your publishing. Somehow.
Love that this has a HEA. Glad she was able to marry for love, willing to fight for it. That's what gives the word marriage meaning.
Thanks JLenni. HEAs are a good thing.
Hmm... tried to post and something froze. I was agreeing with all the comments about the beautiful imagery, and commenting that I wanted more: more about why she's come back, and how long it's been, and what has happened to her parents (especially her poor mother).
Very descriptive. I loved the comparison between the waves and her father.
(Just a small correction, in some places her husband's name is written as Ahmed and in others as Ahmet).
Wow, just wow. Your story is so moving and inspiring, though also sad. Excellent descriptions.
I haven't read as much WF as I should have. I think I'm afraid that the stories will make me sad or feel small, but I'm beginning to see that is all wrong. I need to expand my horizons.
Like most of my WEP stories, Rebecca, I will turn this into a longer story so I can discover more myself, LOL.
Thank you Bernadette. My bad. I didn't change it after it was pointed out to me.
Your stories do touch on WF Toi. It's a challenge but very fulfilling.
i am ERIC BRUNT by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my wife after three(3) years of marriage just because another Man had a spell on her and she left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a man had a spell on my wife and he told me that he will help me and after 3 days that i will have my wife back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my wife. Thanks for helping me Dr Akhere contact him on email: AKHERETEMPLE@gmail.com
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