Long time between posts, but I've been preparing for the A - Z Challenge.
For my RFW post this week I've challenged myself by writing another poem. It's an urge that hits me from time to time. I know I have a lot to learn, but I thought the prompt called for some poetic lines. So, with apologies to D.H. Lawrence (from whom I stole the idea of the 'love/sea' and the first line, which is a common enough expression) - I believe there's no copyright on ideas!, I present my effort for the challenge. The words 'She Wears My Ring' had to be included, as well as inspiration from the song lyrics.
For the clever poets amongst us, I would appreciate your suggestions for improvement...
She Wears My Ring
Don’t you love me?
she asked.
she asked.
I fell to my knees
and cried:
and cried:
How could you doubt me?
Then don’t demean our love
she said.
she said.
In matters of emotional importance
you have so much to learn.
So, I handed her the ring
and thought she would toss it into the ocean
so fierce were her simmering green eyes.
They say in the sea love cannot live
But I see the dolphins
leaping
frolicking
at sunset
at sunset
slick skins shimmering in the dying rays of translucent light…
ah, there is love.
ah, there is love.
She twirled the ring between her thumb and forefinger.
The facets twinkled in the dying rays of the sun –
Emerald green (like her eyes)
Diamonds encircled (like my love for her)
Please accept this ring as a token of my eternal devotion,
I said.
She turned her gaze from the sea
and the dolphins.
and the dolphins.
She looked into my soul -
Perhaps you do love me,
she said.
I turned my gaze to the sea -
Is that a dolphin
nosing the water in sheer delight?
I know exactly how that dolphin feels…
I turn to my love
and smile into her emerald eyes -
My love is as deep as the ocean,
I cry.
I hold her hand,
I slip the ring on her finger.
She wears my ring
for all the world to see.
©DeniseCovey2012
FCA
Please check out some more entries from the list below:
33 comments:
Lovely. Sentimental, and tugs at my limited romantic heart :) I liked the use of the dolphins and the sea; moody and eternal both.
I hope your A-Z posts are shaping up Denise. I know how hard you are working on them. Have a good weekend.
........dhole
Thanks Donna. Only 2 posts to go and one awaiting pics. Pretty good. Now i might get some writing done, lol.
Glad your limited romantic heart enjoyed my poem.
Looking forward to your post.
Denise
Hi Denise .. glad the A - Zs are coming along fine - I have a few more to go!!
Love your poem though .. cheers Hilary
Thanks Hilary. So you can comment on the drop down! Excellent.
Denise
Good, cheery poem with the frolicking dolphins no less.
He got what he wanted in the end.
I am thinking of giving up on A-Z though I have half the posts in edit mode. The summer is really getting to me, the temps over the 90's already.
Hi Rek. Shame to give up now but I know what you mean. Heat really saps it out of you. I'm so happy to see you posting for us this week.
Glad you like my poem too!
Denise
Dear Denise,
This is a lovely proposal poem from the male POV. (Mine is also from the male POV.) I agree with Donna that the images of the sea are powerful: 'My love is as deep as the ocean.'
You can't get deeper than that!
And the colours: 'I turn to my love and smile into her emerald eyes.' What an aluring image!
I love poetry, but I often find it difficult to write. I start off WANTING to write a poem, but it turns out to be an ordinary story in ordinary prose. (My cat is a much better poet, but her range of subject matter is limited to whimsical verses about cat food or outpourings about her naughty younger kitten-siblings.)
Your beautiful love poem has given me an idea. I haven't tried writing a story about mermaids. The dolphins are supposed to have given sailors the idea that mermaids exisit. I should try that. (I mean, after faeries, ghosts, cats, gnomes and uuhappy divorcées) I'll write it for myself if it doesn't fit a blog post.
The ocean is such a wonderful symbol for eternity. Your protagonist has chosen a good place for a proposal of marriage; with a view of the sea.
Have a great weekend. I'll be stopping by to see/read your posts for 'From A to Z in April'. I'm not quite finished with all of the details for mine, but I have a theme for each letter of the alphabet.
Thank you for making RFWers such an enjoyable learning experience. I may not have time to continue as often in May. I'm looking for a part time job and I need to stock my jewellery shops with adornments that I make myself.
I'll try to check in and post for RFW, if I do find a moment. Sometimes I get an idea and just have to write it down. That is how I did this 'She wears my ring'-text. I had written four rough drafts that I was not satisfied with and then woke up at one inthe morning and wrote i down.
Best wishes & hugs,
Anna
Anna's RFW-challenge No. 34 'She wears my ring'
I really like this. It sounds like one of those 'classic' poems that we read for English :-)
Very nice! Wasn't sure it was going to have a happy ending.
Romantic, sentimental and great imagery.
Great poem! I love the descriptions. :)
My comment last night has gone AWOL.
Beautiful imagery, lovely and romantic.
Hi Denise
I'm not good at critiquing literary friends. I need a bit of distance to do that. I'm a sucker for anything green - which doesn't help;) What I will say is that this works great as prosetry (prose written like poetry - which is absolutely fine. Favourite lines for the lovely flow:
They say in the sea love cannot live
But I see the dolphins
leaping
frolicking
at sunset
slick skins shimmering in the dying rays of translucent light…
ah, there is love.
It just flows.
Sometimes all it takes is a small metaphore such as:
.
"Diamonds encircled (like my love for her)"
.
and I mull over it for days (seriously). Forgive me for not writing an appropriate comment, but poetry leaves me absolutely speechless. I get so lost in thought about it, I never know what to write. It's like a blockage in my brain. I'd liken it to when you hear a favourite song on the radio, you pay less attention to traffic, if the lyrics distract you too much.
Sunday, 25th March 2012
Dear Denise,
I'm back to read your poem once more, not that we are having a 'peoples choice voting', but just to make sure that I did not hopp over anything.
I agree with Celeste and really like the description of the ring:
Emerald green (like her eyes)
Diamonds encircled (like my love for her)
What a beautiful ring that could be! Does it exist?
Since no one else will do it, I bought some fun books as belated Christmas and birthday presents to myself. I am dipping into them a page at a time after the children are asleep, before I close my eyes and think that I am still reading, but am making up the author's text in my dreams. I am reading Victoria Finlay's Color: A Natural History of the Palette.(2002) She has also written a book called Jewels: A Secret History (2006).
Instead of reading 'Color' from the beginning, I started directly with the chapter about the colour blue. Ultramarine blue, I learned, was and is still made from a gemstone called Lapis Lazuli, that was originally only mined in one narrow valley in Afghanistan!
Remembering your WIP set in Afghanistan, I wonder if you have read about the gemstones of Afghanistan when doing research for your story.
Victoria Finlay actually travelled several times to Afghanistan to see the mines herself. And this was 2000 and again 2001 when the Taliban ruled in Kabul.
I will be making jewellery with gemstones for my next collection (up until now I have mostly been using glass beads) and I want to know about the history of these stones. (For no other reason than to be able to write good copy for my product descriptions!
Thank you for your kind comments on my 'She-wears-my-ring' post.
Words can really make a difference, Denise.
Sometimes I say to myself that I don't have time to write flash fiction. But it is so much fun to do this together with you and the other RFWers, that I don't want to quit. I will try to stay on and post as often as I can. It gives me a kick, like a dose of healthy vitamins!
Please take care.
Don't travel to any war zones, if you can help it.
Best wishes & hugs,
Anna
I'm so glad my word choices distracted you!
Hi Denise,
Very clever. Very romantic. Nice use of the dolphins and as always good descriptions.
Linda
Hi Denise
Poetry that captures the heart and soul. I loved this. I love the use of color with the ocean and dolphins to set the mood. I'd like to follow these two in a longer tale.
Nancy
Hi Denise,
Happy Ever After! I loved this! You depicted the colors so vividly!
Thanks Nas. I wanted a certain feeling. d.
Thanks Nancy. So would I! D.
Thanks Linda. D.
Hi Anna. Thank you for your second visit. We all struggle to find the time to write but I always say we make time for the things we love and I think that's why you always turn up with a story. D.
I love that you've written this from a male POV. Brilliant!
Ooh, I thought you were still in Paris. Welcome home! Hope London is still having brilliant weather.
Thanks for your kind words...
Denise
Gorgeous poem. Love that the poem is by the boy. I imagine them to be teenagers and him to be very passionate and dramatic.
Wonderful, Denise. Absolutely spot on and the way I like to read poetry. You have the makings of a great poet. :)
And congratulations on being nominated Best Australian blog. Well done. :)
Thank you Kiru. Glad you like it. D
Thank you for that too! D.
My dear Denise,
You are indeed a poetess of the finest order!
Love the rhythm, flow & mood of this little prosetry number. The scene setting is perfect...you've got to hand it to a guy who proposes with sea & dolphins in the background (smile). Fits the theme perfectly. Thanks for sharing.
I concur with Kiru...many congratulations on being nominated Best Australian Blog for 2012.
have fun with the A-Z Challenge. You'll need a good vacation when it's over (lol). Have a great week ahead, my dear friend!
The Beloved
Ah, Andy, thank you. I'm pretty excited about the A-Z actually. D.
So romantic and lovely...Thanks for sharing and congrats for the nomination ~
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