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Wednesday 23 March 2011

Second Crusader Challenge - Flash Fiction FREEDOM RIDERS

Thanks to Rach Writes we have a second crusader challenge, ending March 25. This time we have to write a flash fiction piece of 100 words starting with the words - "The goldfish bowl teetered...". Rach also suggests that we write in the genre we used when we signed up as a crusader. I signed up in two groups - Romantic Suspense and Romance. No romance at the beginning, but who knows where this story might end:

FREEDOM RIDERS


The goldfish bowl teetered on the edge of the display table. Rosie spun around to see a flood of water splattering onto the tiled floor. She tried to grab the lip of the bowl, but too late.  The whole shebang went crashing – the greenery, the little pebbles, the pump and the surprised-looking goldie.

“What the hell have you done now, loser?”
Rosie hung her head. The goldfish was gasping for air, riding the low tide, swimming to the front door and freedom.

Why not?
“Loser!”
No, I’m a winner, she chuckled to herself as she slammed the door behind her.

THE END

After you leave a comment, please go here to read some more.
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49 comments:

  1. Cherie Reich23 March 2011 at 07:20

    Great job! I love the description when it fell - "the greenery, the little pebbles, the pump and the surprised-looking golide." I also like how Rosie realizes she isn't a loser too. :)

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  2. Unknown23 March 2011 at 07:30

    Great job! Love that the fish is headed for freedom. :)

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  3. Theresa Milstein23 March 2011 at 07:36

    Shebang - not used enough in literature. Oppressed goldfish looking for freedom. Hope the little one finds it!

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  4. Akoss23 March 2011 at 08:08

    Interesting how she saw her own freedom in the fish swimming out the door.
    Thanks for stopping by to read my entry :)

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  5. Unknown23 March 2011 at 08:20

    That's a funny story in a sad sort of way. I like it!

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  6. Lynda R Young as Elle Cardy23 March 2011 at 08:28

    haha I love it! It's hard to keep it at only 100 words. Well done.

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  7. Michael Di Gesu23 March 2011 at 09:02

    Very fun, read. I can visualize the gold fish surfing for freedom.

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  8. Karen Lange23 March 2011 at 09:29

    Nicely done. Now that's an example of very flash fiction!

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  9. Trisha23 March 2011 at 10:25

    What she just left the fishy gasping?!?! ;)

    I do so love flash fiction!

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  10. Sierra Gardner23 March 2011 at 11:21

    This is great - I love the last line.

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  11. Denise Covey 23 March 2011 at 11:44

    Cherie, Jen, Theresa, Michael, Sierra, Trisha, Karen, Lynda, Clarissa, Acoss: Thank you all for your enjoyment of my flash.

    Trisha: Well, she'll be scooping up goldie before she slams the door or will she? You just gotta use your imagination in flash...

    Denise<3

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  12. The Sisterhood23 March 2011 at 12:19

    Nice entry! Good luck in the contest!

    ♥ Mary Mary

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  13. Denise Covey 23 March 2011 at 12:24

    Thanks dear Mary Mary.:)

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  14. Alleged Author23 March 2011 at 12:33

    Swim free little fish!

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  15. Summer Ross23 March 2011 at 12:55

    Great job with the challenge! I like the freedom aspect and the title!

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  16. Denise Covey 23 March 2011 at 13:01

    Alleged amd Summer: Thanks for thinking of the freedom fighter fish.

    Denise<3

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  17. Rebecca Dupree23 March 2011 at 14:15

    I love the description in your story. Great job with so few words. Also, gret picture.

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  18. Denise Covey 23 March 2011 at 14:21

    Rebecca: Thanks and nice to meet you.

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  19. Amanda Milner23 March 2011 at 16:35

    Great visuals in your piece! I've read a lot of goldfish meeting their demise so far...so I have decided your little goldie made it to freedom. Lol!

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  20. Joanna St. James23 March 2011 at 16:52

    am I allowed to pick faves? your story made me want to cheer for goldie and her cute fins.

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  21. mooderino23 March 2011 at 19:38

    Very original story, I liked it very much. Will keep an eye on your AZ challenge (I'm doing it too).
    cheers,
    mood

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  22. Anonymous23 March 2011 at 20:54

    Heavens! Poor Rosie and poor Goldfish! :O)

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  23. Rachael Harrie23 March 2011 at 21:00

    Ooh, very intriguing. I totally think the goldfish makes it out alive ;) And "the whole shebang" - love it :D

    Hugs,

    Rach

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  24. Hart Johnson23 March 2011 at 23:06

    Oh, very cute story! I like it... still need to get to that...

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  25. Carol Riggs24 March 2011 at 01:40

    Nice flashfic, and like Cherie Reich said, the details of the pebbles and greenery (etc) are great description. Rah for Rosie and the fishie!

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  26. Crystal Collier24 March 2011 at 02:53

    Women can be so vindictive.

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  27. Ben Langhinrichs24 March 2011 at 05:11

    Interesting take to have the woman inspired by the goldfish. Nice!

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  28. Michelle Merrill24 March 2011 at 06:16

    I like how you described everything that came out of the goldfish bowl. It gave the flashfic some detail :)

    And I love how the fish is on its way to freedom. Great picture too.

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  29. Denise Covey 24 March 2011 at 07:01

    Great to see that the general consensus is that goldie survived. Course it did...

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  30. Donea Lee24 March 2011 at 09:14

    Fun and nicely descriptive! Love it! :) Rosie IS a winner!

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  31. Denise Covey 24 March 2011 at 10:25

    Donea: Thank you, 'coz she is.

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  32. Sarah Ketley24 March 2011 at 10:45

    "go little fish GO..."

    Great entry!

    Good luck :)

    Sarah

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  33. Kari Marie24 March 2011 at 10:57

    I love the imager of Goldie riding the low tide to freedom. I love the ending!

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  34. J.C. Martin24 March 2011 at 19:01

    I like how both the fish and Rosie is heading for freedom. Good on her!

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  35. alberta ross24 March 2011 at 19:16

    go fish go fish - nice one

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  36. Unknown24 March 2011 at 23:55

    A true lemons-to-lemonade story! I was rooting for the narrator :)) Great entry, Denise!

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  37. Anonymous25 March 2011 at 03:51

    Excellent reapartee, I love the line 'riding the low tide'. Great post!

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  38. jkraus846425 March 2011 at 04:09

    Loved it. The whole shebang....was a great word choice and unusual.

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  39. Alison Pearce Stevens25 March 2011 at 06:04

    Riding the low tide to freedom--that's great!

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  40. Denise Covey 25 March 2011 at 07:31

    Constance, Kari Marie, JC, Alberta, Nicole, Catherine, Jeanne, Alison: Thank you all for your kind comments and rooting for little goldie and freedom!

    Denise<3

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  41. Margo Benson25 March 2011 at 19:07

    Fabulous flash piece! So visual and so much story in there - excellent!

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  42. Denise Covey 25 March 2011 at 22:01

    Margo: Thanks!

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  43. Anonymous26 March 2011 at 03:13

    I enjoyed this one...nicely done!

    Nikki

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  44. Witless Exposition26 March 2011 at 04:09

    A sad little story, but with a bit of hope at the end!

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  45. J.L. Campbell26 March 2011 at 12:19

    Very interesting to see what different people have done in this challenge.

    Loved this line...The goldfish was gasping for air, riding the low tide, swimming to the front door and freedom.

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  46. Anonymous26 March 2011 at 13:43

    Very nice imagery. Loved it. And I agree with J.L. Campbell, loved the line ... swimming to the front door and freedom. Very nice.

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  47. Denise Covey 26 March 2011 at 15:12

    Thanks for reading and glad you liked it.

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  48. Danette27 March 2011 at 11:39

    Hi Denise! Enjoyed the Goldfish story very much. I hope the fish makes it!! LOL

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  49. Adina West27 March 2011 at 12:07

    Oooh, love how you have her 'escape' mirroring the gold fish's. Guess she showed...whichever charming type was calling her a loser!

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