tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post950410901861097390..comments2024-03-17T20:45:42.848+10:00Comments on Denise Covey: Spectacular Settings: WEP challenge - Part A - Pat Conroy. Part B - My flash fiction, The Child. #wepffDenise Covey http://www.blogger.com/profile/07106490051555233439noreply@blogger.comBlogger80125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-53382684608619088622015-08-30T22:41:48.839+10:002015-08-30T22:41:48.839+10:00Thanks Trisha. Thanks Trisha. Denise Covey https://www.blogger.com/profile/07106490051555233439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-4683721124896106142015-08-30T22:40:06.233+10:002015-08-30T22:40:06.233+10:00Thanks Samantha. Glad it hit you!Thanks Samantha. Glad it hit you!Denise Covey https://www.blogger.com/profile/07106490051555233439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-34292722861767058662015-08-30T22:39:20.237+10:002015-08-30T22:39:20.237+10:00Thanks Donna!Thanks Donna!Denise Covey https://www.blogger.com/profile/07106490051555233439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-48910703106219740412015-08-29T12:30:54.324+10:002015-08-29T12:30:54.324+10:00Visual and emotive. A tough place to be, the setti...Visual and emotive. A tough place to be, the setting felt hostile. I liked how your metaphors related to the setting also.<br /><br />Well written Denise.dolorahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08715849844092553699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-18259262866985220032015-08-28T04:20:46.651+10:002015-08-28T04:20:46.651+10:00Whoa! Incredible tension and imagery anchored me i...<br />Whoa! Incredible tension and imagery anchored me in this foreign, hostile world. Your perspective of a woman & mother at war was visceral The ending was expertly delivered-a powerful blow with words. <br /><br />"Our love began and ended with seawater." Oh, how I love that line!!<br /><br /><a href="http://writerlysam.com/2015/08/26/the-weight-of-wonder/" rel="nofollow">The Weight of Wonder</a>Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03228035720008992890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-3421161154531462092015-08-27T12:52:00.415+10:002015-08-27T12:52:00.415+10:00Thanks Laura. That's just what I wanted!Thanks Laura. That's just what I wanted!Denise Covey https://www.blogger.com/profile/07106490051555233439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-8474878425496511632015-08-26T17:55:32.075+10:002015-08-26T17:55:32.075+10:00I love the "marched into mayhem" line. Y...I love the "marched into mayhem" line. You really made the whole scene seem real. Laura Clipsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02748489198957473503noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-18298943531371382522015-08-26T11:59:32.140+10:002015-08-26T11:59:32.140+10:00Lovely that you made it at last Damyanti. Thank yo...Lovely that you made it at last Damyanti. Thank you for your suggestions. i have experimented with third person and it was nowhere near as evocative as the first for this piece. I'd stay away from 'you', I like it but most don't. Thanks for pointing out the reps--I always try to eliminate them but 'one' (LOL) got past me. Yes and 'silently' doesn't need saying.<br /><br />Thanks Damyanti. I will make some of these changes. Thanks for taking the time to suggest them.<br /><br />Denise :-)Denise Covey https://www.blogger.com/profile/07106490051555233439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-24084105160462534142015-08-26T02:47:01.641+10:002015-08-26T02:47:01.641+10:00The excerpt is evocative, and full of movement.
Y...The excerpt is evocative, and full of movement.<br /><br />Your work, Denise, evokes the unfortunate war-torn world of the story in precise, surgical strokes. The tension rises throughout, and this is not a little due to the surroundings (as well as the situation, of course-- the frontline is one of the most stressful human situations).<br /><br />This is powerful because of unsaid, withheld, violent emotion, almost like the grenade that explodes in the end.<br /><br />It seems criminal to give feedback on such a sterling piece, but I'll add the nitpicks that struck me to follow the spirit of this event: <br /><br />We crept silently as mountain cats into the night = We crept as mountain cats into the night.<br /><br />Repeating the word 'one' in quick succession: <br /><br />one who needed to cover herself.<br /><br />One little boy approached me, hand outstretched. <br /><br />I like that you leave the ending unresolved-- whether she lived or died-- a tricky thing with a first-person narrator coming to a bad end.<br /><br />And in light of that, a suggestion for experimentation: second person-- to make it more visceral, so that the reader is put into the sodier's shoes. The challenge then becomes: handling the "We" parts. Could those become "You" too?<br /><br />And also, an experimentation with third person, close single-- She. This will give away the gender of the narrator at the outset, but that could give a different sort of power to the piece, and also solve the bit about the dying/ dead first person narrator. The challenge then becomes: How to retain urgency, while moving to a more distant POV.<br /><br />My suggestions for experimentation are just that, very light suggestions, humbly made. Feel free to set them aside, as you see fit.<br /><br />Thankyou for all the work you've put into this Denise-- truly appreciate it. Sorry I haven't been by sooner, but as I told you, life has hit panic mode the last few days.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-48505308555234480222015-08-25T12:19:21.922+10:002015-08-25T12:19:21.922+10:00She was obviously a rookie which I explained early...She was obviously a rookie which I explained early in the story. I totally think she would do exactly what she did. :-)Denise Covey https://www.blogger.com/profile/07106490051555233439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-11803127947644764612015-08-25T00:23:07.357+10:002015-08-25T00:23:07.357+10:00Arpan, thank you. I appreciate your reading/commen...Arpan, thank you. I appreciate your reading/commenting. I'm glad you had to figure out The Child. Denise Covey https://www.blogger.com/profile/07106490051555233439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-73429929076405681872015-08-24T21:13:34.808+10:002015-08-24T21:13:34.808+10:00An amazingly haunting story.
From the title and o...An amazingly haunting story.<br /><br />From the title and opening lines, I was expecting something poignant. Soldiers helping or sheltering orphaned children in a time of war. Or perhaps someone looking for a lost child in the middle of a war zone.<br /><br />Toward the end, I figured that the child would become a casualty of war. It just didn't happen the way I'd expected. And ending it with the explosion, along with the prayer call and the 'cry of a child' was brilliant. It made me re-read the ending to fully process it all.<br /><br />The Conroy piece was similar in that respect, with an ending that needed time to sink in (no pun intended).Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06017756012813695025noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-65776627182290635982015-08-24T09:38:39.614+10:002015-08-24T09:38:39.614+10:00Very nice Conroy selection. The imagery was magnif...Very nice Conroy selection. The imagery was magnificent. And so was yours. I'm not sure I believe that a soldier, male or female, would be quite so trusting in these circumstances, but maybe a sentence or two would change my mind. Scheherazadehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08906467791904395295noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-88101247781933800932015-08-23T20:43:32.737+10:002015-08-23T20:43:32.737+10:00Thank you Rasma. I appreciate your comments. :-)Thank you Rasma. I appreciate your comments. :-)Denise Covey https://www.blogger.com/profile/07106490051555233439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-75367640355147585552015-08-23T20:42:26.083+10:002015-08-23T20:42:26.083+10:00Glad to meet another Conroy fan. Glad you liked my...Glad to meet another Conroy fan. Glad you liked my child too VR. :-)Denise Covey https://www.blogger.com/profile/07106490051555233439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-20632185025880393532015-08-23T20:41:20.192+10:002015-08-23T20:41:20.192+10:00Thank you!Thank you!Denise Covey https://www.blogger.com/profile/07106490051555233439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-11142911796629937722015-08-23T09:16:09.842+10:002015-08-23T09:16:09.842+10:00At last time was made to read your post. What a s...At last time was made to read your post. What a splendid surprise that you are so rich in detail and atmosphere. Interesting to see your creative choices, thank you!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-80086716711609700852015-08-23T03:07:08.097+10:002015-08-23T03:07:08.097+10:00Pat Conroy’s descriptions always read like poetry ...Pat Conroy’s descriptions always read like poetry to me, lyrical and melodic. As a fan of less is more, there are only a couple writers with the talent to draw me in with such lush writing. Conroy never fails. <br /><br />Your story is marvelous, beautifully written, graphic, haunting. While not always comfortable to read, there is nothing more powerful than truth on the page. Well-done, Denise.<br /><br /><a href="http://vrbarkowski.wordpress.com" rel="nofollow">VR Barkowski</a><br />VR Barkowskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04927993233682731113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-12934328010318579552015-08-22T20:16:00.677+10:002015-08-22T20:16:00.677+10:00This was awesome. A wonderful and emotional journe...This was awesome. A wonderful and emotional journey. RasmaSandrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11978012654446052037noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-20994557652292266872015-08-22T09:58:19.017+10:002015-08-22T09:58:19.017+10:00Thanks Michael. Glad you liked it.Thanks Michael. Glad you liked it.Denise Covey https://www.blogger.com/profile/07106490051555233439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-66730745026630818732015-08-22T01:11:37.644+10:002015-08-22T01:11:37.644+10:00HI, Denise,
WOW... That was amazing emotion, atm...HI, Denise,<br /><br /><br />WOW... That was amazing emotion, atmosphere and intensity... I was totally feeling it all! Just incredible writing here!<br />Michael Di Gesuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17047267262428143113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-56991806249741704132015-08-21T23:27:58.163+10:002015-08-21T23:27:58.163+10:00Thank you Lexa. (((Blushes)))Thank you Lexa. (((Blushes)))Denise Covey https://www.blogger.com/profile/07106490051555233439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-9641936555935793742015-08-21T23:21:36.839+10:002015-08-21T23:21:36.839+10:00I thought your account was brilliantly written, no...I thought your account was brilliantly written, not only prose-wise, but the pacing and final emotional impact. Actually, I enjoyed your writing far more than the excerpt you picked! This was my fave line: "I dragged my feet from their burial place in the sand." Very well done! :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07735576044552810103noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-30404654419170791902015-08-21T16:41:18.590+10:002015-08-21T16:41:18.590+10:00Thanks for the awesomeness that is you Nila. Thank...Thanks for the awesomeness that is you Nila. Thanks for finding a way to post from the wilds...:-)Denise Covey https://www.blogger.com/profile/07106490051555233439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-31766138536820715642015-08-21T16:40:30.582+10:002015-08-21T16:40:30.582+10:00Thanks J Lenni.Thanks J Lenni.Denise Covey https://www.blogger.com/profile/07106490051555233439noreply@blogger.com