tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post5658873955394618523..comments2024-03-17T20:45:42.848+10:00Comments on Denise Covey: Show me the voice blogfest. Thanks for the critiques. Here's my new improved model...Denise Covey http://www.blogger.com/profile/07106490051555233439noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-58620065667107225762011-03-23T23:51:10.973+10:002011-03-23T23:51:10.973+10:00Thanks for sharing, it was a great read! It is goo...Thanks for sharing, it was a great read! It is good when a rewrite comes together.<br /><br />Talli is responsible for a BIG change in my ms. Her subtle 'what if' took me on a roller coaster of a ride.Glynis Peters https://www.blogger.com/profile/01175378917872403609noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-33780976471071213432011-03-23T06:58:21.104+10:002011-03-23T06:58:21.104+10:00Thanks all for your continuing input.
Denise<3...Thanks all for your continuing input.<br /><br />Denise<3Denise Covey https://www.blogger.com/profile/07106490051555233439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-79993015445232827022011-03-23T05:16:53.875+10:002011-03-23T05:16:53.875+10:00Yay! Glad my comment was helpful. I always get rea...Yay! Glad my comment was helpful. I always get really worried after I say things, wondering if people will take them the wrong way.<br /><br />But I really like what you've done here, and I think it's MUCH stronger. Well done!Talli Rolandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04780882465745107715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-8332824377381734502011-03-23T05:00:34.338+10:002011-03-23T05:00:34.338+10:00The revised version is better, however I was wonde...The revised version is better, however I was wondering whether you could increase the tension of this first encounter in subsequent versions? You have primal elements of the outdoors, the ocean, waves, whales etc....these can act as Ruby's mental turmoil and exhilaration.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-62547461188239080602011-03-23T02:17:46.773+10:002011-03-23T02:17:46.773+10:00Oh to be swept off our feet. Hopefully, not by a r...Oh to be swept off our feet. Hopefully, not by a running and playful dog. LOL<br /><br />More edits:<br />Ruby caught her breath. She thought the sight...<br /><br />He turned toward her. she was lost. Lost in his eyes...<br /><br />Are you sure the wave would be warm? I don't know, but I wondered.<br /><br />A comma precedes a name in a sentence.<br /><br />Good job.<br />Nancy<br /><a href="http://nrwilliams.blogspot.com" rel="nofollow">N. R. Williams, The Treasures of Carmelidrium.</a>N. R. Williamshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02174506528962095858noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-46671718941557948752011-03-23T00:22:16.460+10:002011-03-23T00:22:16.460+10:00Me again,
I have an award for you at my blog... C...Me again,<br /><br />I have an award for you at my blog... Congrats!<br /><br />MichaelMichael Di Gesuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17047267262428143113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-38624194959605637952011-03-22T23:41:27.578+10:002011-03-22T23:41:27.578+10:00Nice and easy on the eye's. A great read.Nice and easy on the eye's. A great read.obihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06580044395698166118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-63056692927225320522011-03-22T20:34:10.698+10:002011-03-22T20:34:10.698+10:00I like this version better, it reads very well. Go...I like this version better, it reads very well. Good luck!Ellen Brickleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01184391430927483100noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-28617408791577106012011-03-22T14:32:54.061+10:002011-03-22T14:32:54.061+10:00Trisha, me too, but still not really happy with it...Trisha, me too, but still not really happy with it.Denise Covey https://www.blogger.com/profile/07106490051555233439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-66661397945961168692011-03-22T13:49:30.739+10:002011-03-22T13:49:30.739+10:00Great excerpt, I definitely love the opening line ...Great excerpt, I definitely love the opening line in this revision better than the original :)<br /><br />Ooh la la is right! lolTrishahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16927558937796802496noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-91387671138149457052011-03-22T12:40:56.671+10:002011-03-22T12:40:56.671+10:00Alleged: I'm so glad...I'll be by soon.Alleged: I'm so glad...I'll be by soon.Denise Covey https://www.blogger.com/profile/07106490051555233439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-81590943765597623972011-03-22T12:17:23.362+10:002011-03-22T12:17:23.362+10:00Ooooh la la ! I liked reading this very much!Ooooh la la ! I liked reading this very much!Alleged Authorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04869021184116123477noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-62315416604576293062011-03-22T11:13:56.532+10:002011-03-22T11:13:56.532+10:00Karen: Me too.Karen: Me too.Denise Covey https://www.blogger.com/profile/07106490051555233439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-49000764511703696082011-03-22T11:10:43.728+10:002011-03-22T11:10:43.728+10:00Am interested in hearing how things turn out!Am interested in hearing how things turn out!Karen Langehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18177923284595298347noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-76131963484301420852011-03-22T11:00:15.081+10:002011-03-22T11:00:15.081+10:00Lydia: Merci beaucoup!
Becky: Glad you got into i...Lydia: Merci beaucoup!<br /><br />Becky: Glad you got into it!Denise Covey https://www.blogger.com/profile/07106490051555233439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-62488512851439974052011-03-22T10:47:08.029+10:002011-03-22T10:47:08.029+10:00You always manage to hook me in! Well done! I coul...You always manage to hook me in! Well done! I could almost feel the ocean spray and the rhythm of the boat :)The Words Crafterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14520267901489487512noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-47485028955177016262011-03-22T10:25:20.651+10:002011-03-22T10:25:20.651+10:00Sizzle sizzle is right! I like the French bits too...Sizzle sizzle is right! I like the French bits too. Beaucoup de sizzle!Lydia Kanghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00484415427764822386noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-17780474721104003272011-03-22T10:18:19.983+10:002011-03-22T10:18:19.983+10:00Michael: Well, he's not tall dark and handsome...Michael: Well, he's not tall dark and handsome like you, lol, but his name is Michael, ha ha. Thanks for coming by and reading. I see you just won something else. Congrats!<br /><br />Ann: Thanks for the pronoun lesson. Yes, I try to avoid using names when it's clear. <br /><br />I'm so excited that you're getting your cover at last! Must be a bit disappointing not to be able to open it straight away! Thanks for sharing!<br /><br />Denise<3Denise Covey https://www.blogger.com/profile/07106490051555233439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-78874524090611269552011-03-22T10:11:50.960+10:002011-03-22T10:11:50.960+10:00The content is perfect now, Denise. My only pet pe...The content is perfect now, Denise. My only pet peeve is something I've found a lot in current books I've read and which a now very famous author I had in my first graduate class in fiction years ago pointed out: we use pronouns so we don't have to keep saying the person's name. If it's clear who's talking, say "she" or "he." For whatever this is worth.<br /><br />BTW, thanks for your condolences just now on my post re: my brother's passing. AND my editor just emailed me my book cover!! But she sent it PDF, forgetting she has to get me a JPG file. So I'm hoping to post this tomorrow. You're the first blogger to know, my friend!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-41829795225478522202011-03-22T10:11:07.169+10:002011-03-22T10:11:07.169+10:00Hi, Denise,
LOVE his description. Very unique, no...Hi, Denise,<br /><br />LOVE his description. Very unique, not the usual tall, dark, and handsome type.<br /><br />Sorry, I missed your first entry. I didn't see it. Well, I'm glad I read it now.<br /><br />Well done and good luck. Ah, we are in competition again. LOL<br /><br /><br />MichaelMichael Di Gesuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17047267262428143113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-46216496782810675012011-03-22T09:47:49.938+10:002011-03-22T09:47:49.938+10:00Grandpa: At least you picked up my reasoning.
Mar...Grandpa: At least you picked up my reasoning.<br /><br />Mary Mary: I did explain at the end. Okay, so it's not her accent that turns him off but the fact that he thinks she'll be here today gone tomorrow.<br /><br />Kari Marie: Thanks for reading both posts and seeing the changes.Denise Covey https://www.blogger.com/profile/07106490051555233439noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-38322830749253249022011-03-22T09:45:09.498+10:002011-03-22T09:45:09.498+10:00Oh Denise - I loved this! I went back to read the ...Oh Denise - I loved this! I went back to read the other post and I can see the changes you made and i really like them.KM Nallehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06714392426676743868noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-20011419408054028602011-03-22T09:45:03.585+10:002011-03-22T09:45:03.585+10:00It definitely has sizzle! I'm wondering why, i...It definitely has sizzle! I'm wondering why, if she thinks her French accent would turn him off (I can't see why since there's nothing sexier than a great French accent!), does she then speak to him in French? The two contradict each other. Nice sizzle, though!Mary Maryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09429769115085903305noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7362528912516506170.post-85072413800363316842011-03-22T09:39:42.367+10:002011-03-22T09:39:42.367+10:00I have certainly learned a few things - thanks to ...I have certainly learned a few things - thanks to your critiques.<br /><br />I was going to point out the apparent contradiction on wanting to appear an Aussie, then speaking in French! But you explained it at the end. <br /><br />Thanks Denise.Grandpahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13250675550143944134noreply@blogger.com