ON WRITING

“It’s very easy to quit during the first ten years of writing. Nobody cares whether you write or not, and it’s very hard to write when nobody cares one way or the other. You can’t get fired if you don’t write, and most of the time you don’t get rewarded if you do. But don’t quit.” Andre Dubus

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Tuesday, 17 February 2015

Tying the knot? Or tying your guests in 'nots? What do you think of modern weddings?

Hi everyone!

I picked up a new chick-lit today and it began with a wedding invitation:

Amazon link: 
You are invited to attend the nuptials of Audrey McCarthy and Joseph Bourke

The bride and groom kindly request the following:

  • No female guests to wear white; this includes clothes, shoes and/or accessories
  • Guests should refrain from wearing garments from Coast or Karen Millen clothing stores
  • Guests should please visit laceconfetti.com/mccarthy-bourke to review the colour scheme of the wedding and dress accordingly
  • Single male invitees should not bring as dates female guests who are unknown to the bride and groom
  • All non-local guests should stay at the hotel in which the wedding reception will be held (prices and information available online at www.themanor.com
  • No gifts on the day unless in the form of cash or cheques. Preferred method of gifting is via the wedding list (see attached notification card for details) or through deposits to the couple's joint account (details below) by the date of the wedding.
Mamma Mia! (2008) PosterFresh from watching Mumma Mia for the umpteenth time on television last night, here I come across another type of wedding, a far cry from the haphazard, raucous preparations of Meryl Streep and Co on the gorgeous Greek Island of Skopelos. Who cares about anything but the view?! Or Pierce Brosnan trying to sing, yet melting hearts at the same time? Or seeing 'Diane' from The Good Wife in a completely different light to the high-powered lawyer she plays on the modern show?

So this book beginning got me thinking about how weddings have changed so much in recent times. Often there is no gift table, or at the very least a Wishing Well for slackers to drop monetary gifts into if they haven't seen fit to organise ahead of the big day. 

Children have practically disappeared from wedding lists as venues are so expensive today, and really, who wants littlies running riot underneath tables and chairs? Well, I do. Really adds an extra fillip to proceedings.

I recall a time when it was quite acceptable to bring a date who was not known to anyone attending the ceremony.

And we know how those hotels hosting wedding receptions rack up their prices while at the same time telling guests they have a special rate for invitees--especially expensive! 

But to be told explicitly what not to wear is a little rude, don't you think? We all know the unwritten, or written rules of wedding etiquette due to the time of day the ceremony takes place and the strictures about wearing white or cream or black or whatever...but these days I would have thought the rules would be slacker than they were back in the day--geez, I've seen brides or bridesmaids in black, so I wonder what is going on with weddings these days?  

  • What was your wedding like? Did you have any strict criteria for invitees?
  • Do you agree that the weddings of your children will be a far cry from your own wedding (if you're married, of course!)
Now I'll excuse myself and get back to this book. Not too bad, although a bit annoying...:-)


38 comments:

  1. We had a tiny wedding. No rules. Although I admit, glad no small children showed up.

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  2. I once brought a woman with me (it was just after my divorce) to a wedding reception, and we pretended she knew the bride/bride's family. I did feel weird. And I have no idea what's going on with weddings these days. And without children...I love children. They add to the fun IMHO. What a fun post today, sis. (Your Tuesday is still our Monday, and we are in a frigid zone. -3s to +7s if we're lucky. And finally, much snow we've been wanting so we shouldn't complain. I have barely cracked open the door in two days! What's it like down under?) I'm finally having fun with blogging. Really. I put up a post yesterday about surviving blizzards. We drove through a mini one on Saturday. Pretty scary. Take care. Have a great week.

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    1. Whoa, that weather sounds terrible, but no doubt you get used to it. I'm so glad you're having fun blogging again Ann. How we have missed you. :-)

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  3. Is this wedding invitation for real or is it just part of the fiction of the book? I have never read anything like it. The last wedding I went to was my daughter, but she married a young man whose family is from Kerala, India and it was like a Bollywood wedding, with Indian dances and all, so it was not traditional. There were over 300 guests and 98% of the women wore elaborate colorful saris. As for my wedding it was in San Francisco in 1967 and on the following day we went to the Monterey International Pop Festival where we saw Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Ravi Shankar and more – so it was more like a hippy style wedding. Do people really send wedding invitations like this?

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    1. I hope not Vagabonde. It is fiction. Although I've seen some doozies in real llife, but nothing this offensive!

      Your daughter's wedding sounds amazing. Some cultures really know how to make a wedding a real show! But fancy seeing Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix Ravi Shankar and more...on your Honeymoon!! Fantastic!

      I've just posted on your blog, Vagabonde. Love those Paris pictures.

      Denise :-)

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  4. Hi Denise,

    That wedding invite sounds thoroughly uninviting, I probably wouldn't turn up for it if I was sent one of those :) My own wedding was a civil ceremony over in a few minutes, so non-traditional, but apart from that it was a free for all! The guests wore what they wanted to and brought along whomever they wanted to, and of course they were little children and no themes.

    Happy to say Indian middle class weddings aren't really changing much, they are getting a little more streamlined/organised, but still a free for all and fun affair for family/friends/kids. What's a wedding without kids in it?? They have the maximum fun!

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  5. My first wedding was a surprise, one step below elopement and nobody was there but the groom's parents. The second was in Reno; again more like eloping with nobody in attendance. The last one was done at the court house, and my kids attended.

    My daughter had family and friends attend. I was glad for her. We like people, no special requests except don't make a total arse of yourself :)

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  6. Damn, are such rules really out there? I'd rather elope any day though. Screw the rules and screw paying 1000's of bucks. Get it done and then go have fun

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  7. I must say that opening has intrigued me for the book. That is one snotty invitation and I'm curious where the author goes with it.

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    1. I just found out that book is only available in the UK.:(

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  8. I love the opening, too. It's a good hook.
    Mine was simple.

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  9. Having no romance in my soul (I really should trademark that phrase), I don't get big weddings. Even the ritual aspect is lost on me. Elopements are romantic; weddings are money pits. Plus, I'm a wedding jinx. I've been to dozens and dozens of weddings over the years, and only one of the marriages lasted. It was a second wedding for the bride, third for the groom, and the ceremony—very informal—was held in a backyard.

    VR Barkowski

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    1. No romance VR!! None at all!! Sad but true how many weddings turn out to be a waste of time and money, though!

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  10. If I got a wedding invitation like that, I don't think I'd want to go to the wedding. lol I know it's their day, but come on? How can you dictate what your guests wear?

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    1. I guess you can try Chrys, hahahaha....

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  11. Apart from possibly the first and last bullet points, the rest seems a snotty and presumptuous intrusion where they have no right to go! I sincerely hope I am not counted as friends with anyone who'd even think of sending such a list of instructions. I'd soon tell them where to stick it!

    My own wedding was a civil wedding in our living room, small and intimate, with a riotous and informal party in the evening for our wider circle of family and friends.

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    1. Your wedding certainly sounds minimalist Botanist. I think it's great when people have the wedding they want, not the one their parents or others might want! Augurs well for the future you'd think.

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  12. Hi Denise ... I was particular .. but to a point tried to conform ... no bridesmaids ... food made by one of the first Master Chefs (1970s) - at the end of land: a tin mine counting house just north of Lands End ... lovely wedding: appalling marrying decision -- such is life at times!! I like to be unique .. and cannot stand doing what others do .. makes me cringe ...

    Now to read the other comments ... makes me smile to read this - cheers Hilary

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    1. Your wedding sounded unique. Pity about the choice of husband are you saying?

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  13. I find the fuss interesting, the money spent, outrageous, but to each his own. For the longest time I couldn't figure out the 'princess' wish? It just didn't make sense, and then I remembered, Disney, and their ridiculous run of fairy princesses, and the fact that I had boys, not girls. Duh! I still think it's silly, to hear a grown woman claim to want to be a princess ... Sad, truly sad. LOL
    Hey Denise, sorry I've not been in touch, I'm still working to get book 3 finished and to the publisher, they asked for it a month ago.I know, what am I doing here. A break, just a break! Talk with you soon! Keep writing! :)

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    1. You get that book done Yolanda! I can wait!

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  14. If I received that invitation, it would go into the trash, and I wouldn't attend. My wedding was tiny, like Alex's. But it wasn't the same wedding :)

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  15. This just reminded me of how long it's been since I've been to a big wedding. I'm not fond of weddings with that many rules. And what's with the rule about men not bringing female dates unless the females are known to the bride/groom? I don't get that at all. I have seen weddings that specified no young children. I think it's more appropriate to provide childcare...especially if the wedding is held in a church with a nursery. It's a delicate situation since I've certainly been to my fair share of weddings where parents allowed their very young children to be disruptive throughout the entire wedding (crying, making noise, etc.). One would like to think most people have the sense to take the child OUT of the wedding venue if he/she is being disruptive, but that doesn't seem to be the case these days, sadly.

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    1. I think the childcare issue is easier if it's a church with a nursery. Many wedding venues are outrageously priced so children are often the first economy.

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  16. I've never been a fan of big weddings. That's money better spent on a honeymoon. Perhaps it depends on what you want - is it for the parents or the couple? Some people just get a little too materialistic and demanding. But then, I like Simone de Beauvoir's attitude toward 'typical' female behavior. Give me a trip to Paris instead. . .

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  17. Hi! My wedding was pretty traditional with a reception in the church basement, and didn't cost a lot. No requirements either on what to wear, but everyone dressed up so that was nice. Weddings are changing though. I need to watch Mama Mia again (which I love). That list is kind of offensive though. I recently heard of a bride who was considering banning children from her wedding, because they might be too noisy or intrusive. Now that bothered me a lot!! Weddings, among other obvious reasons, are all about family!
    'Stay the course' _/)

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    1. I rarely watch movies more than once, but Mumma Mia just strikes a chord with me. The scenery, the characters, the fun...:-)

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  18. Hi, Denise. I just read your comment on my snow post...lovely to see you...and Jen sand I are wondering what a hire car is? Jen watched some weather thing on Netflix the other day about how they add something to the fuel for cars in winter that's different from summer. And then there's antifreeze...as if I really know what I'm talking about�� my van is in pretty good shape approaching 100,000 miles and it still starts when it is minus degrees. I do idle warm it, which I will do tomorrow to go down the street to the pharmacy. How I would love to come to Brisbane. Your pics of the place are always so inviting.

    Many ((( ))) in return from me and Jen.

    Ann

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    1. You probably have a different term for 'hire' car, Ann. It's when you arrive in a place carless, so you go to Avis or someone and hire a car so you can drive yourself around. Yes, 'antifreeze' is the stuff I was meaning. Stops your fuel from freezing so you can drive in sub-zero temperatures.

      I think you and jen would probably find Australia too hot unless you arrived in winter (which is June/July/August here). We are still having 30 degrees Celsius even though Autumn is knocking at our door. Also had 2 cyclones in Queensland last week. The fun just never stops. We just got lots of rain in Brisbane.

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  19. Had a good laugh at that invitation. I was the one paying for my wedding, so it was small and affordable. All my friends were young and childless or expecting, so I didn't have to consider whether or not to include kids. I don't think I would have excluded anyone based on age or sex. The bride in the story left out ethnicity. Maybe she's politically correct if not rather self-centered.

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    1. Maybe Clem. Doesn't strike me as politically correct either!

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  20. I had my protagonist and his girlfriend marry at the end of the Breakthrough trilogy. Since there was a world crisis international flights home were shut down and they had to marry in Monaco. Hey, that was a great problem to have!

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  21. I come from a slightly different culture when it comes to weddings. The actual ceremony is small and takes place in a temple where worthy church members are allowed to attend. The focus for gifting and celebrating then becomes the reception afterwards, and is typically hosted in an open house fashion so that guests can bring little ones and then take them away if they cause trouble. I really think it's the ultimate way to have a wedding...rather than spending a life-savings on a couple hours of pomp. I'd rather the couple receive that savings to start their lives together.

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  22. Hi Denise
    Well...if I got that invitation I wouldn't go. I think some are so absorbed with themselves they believe they can demand anything. My own wedding was simple, primarily because I feared I'd faint if I had to walk down a long isle. So we went to the justice of the peace. Or in layman's terms, a judge.
    Nancy

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  23. Oh, no! I wouldn't go if the host said that!

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  24. Hey you have made a great kind request to your guests. I will also request to my guests NOT to wear white in my wedding party at best Wedding venues. Rather I will request them to wear themed colourful dress. I am sure everyone will enjoy this way.

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