ON WRITING

“It’s very easy to quit during the first ten years of writing. Nobody cares whether you write or not, and it’s very hard to write when nobody cares one way or the other. You can’t get fired if you don’t write, and most of the time you don’t get rewarded if you do. But don’t quit.” Andre Dubus

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Friday, 15 June 2012

#RomanticFridayWriters - Challenge No 38- Being the Perfect Ex.

Here's my RomanticFridayWriters post for Friday June 15. Try your hand at a little flash fiction/poetry! It's mucho fun! Our challenge this week is to write to the prompt, Being the Perfect Ex. You can imagine what fun we're going to see in the stories/poetry from members and casual writers. You're most welcome to write to the prompt. Check out the RFW site by clicking on the link above, where you'll find stimulus for the challenge (as if you need any!)

On the Streets of London


Geffron checks his text messages. Nothing. She must have been serious about leaving.

He looks up. A movement down the street catches his attention – a billowing green cloak, a black scarf, red boots. Only Marsilia would dress so outrageously. Wasn’t he always telling her to tone it down? He hesitates, squints into the weak sun, shakes his head. ‘It can’t be! She said she’d never come back to London, calling it a damp hole.’ He stands still, smoothing his hair, stroking his beard, arguing with himself. But she’s changed her mind! That’s a woman for you. Oh, but he's so glad she did.

He begins running, nearly tripping over his Ralph Lauren black trench coat, calling out ‘Marsilia! You’ve come back! Marsilia!’

He runs as fast as his slippery Paul Smith Derby shoes permit, pushing people aside, ignoring angry snarls.

 ‘Marsilia! Wait for me!’

 He grabs her arm just before she obeys the ‘WALK’ sign. When did Marsilia ever obey a sign? To her they were just a suggestion. Something to do with her Italian roots he supposed, while he’d been conditioned to wait all day. He could never ignore a ‘DON’T WALK’ sign. How many times had he argued with her about stepping into the traffic? He’d get so angry he wouldn’t talk to her for days, especially after the latest near miss which resulted in a jaywalking offense on both their records. That really stung.

But he’s made up his mind that he’ll let Marsilia do whatever she wants from now on if she’ll just take him back. What’s a few traffic offenses when all’s said and done? Since she left him he’d gone back to his strict regime of sleep, eat, work and no play. He's bored. He can’t go back to his old life. He's realizing how much he needs Marsilia to put the spice into his life, the zing into his step.

‘Whaddya think you’re doing, hipster freak?’

Startled, he tugs her arm, appalled at the menace in her voice.

‘Let go of me or I’ll call the cops.'

She slaps at him with her free arm. Her cape falls away to the elbow. A ghoulish tattoo screams at him. What? He looks up to meet her icy eyes. His fingers uncurl. He glances from side to side. The Londoners have ignored the little altercation. Too wrapped up in their own boring lives.

‘You’re not Marsilia,’ he says stupidly. ‘Marsilia’s left me.’

‘No wonder buster. Beat it.’

©DeniseCovey2012

WORDS: 413
FCA

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44 comments:

  1. Loved it! I may have to let my chin whiskers grow, as I was reading I was overcome with a desire to go shopping :)
    I have a feeling Marsilia could have a cruel streak. I enjoyed this, it felt complete.

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    1. A little vignette really. Thanks for dropping by. D.

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  2. Typical that he would imagine seeing his former love on the street. Great idea for the theme. Wonderful description of this very vain character. (Great photo-illustration too.)

    Happy Weekend!
    Best wishes,
    Anna

    P.S.
    Of course I'll put you on my 'Honorary Swedes-List' as soon as I get it up. Thanks for asking! Here is your first Swedish word to learn:

    Kramar [Swedish for 'hugs']

    Anna's RFW #38

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    1. Hi Anna. I like that you like the descriptions as that's what I'm noticing in other entries too. And I'm so glad that I can be an Honorory Swede. No trouble learning that first word. I'll just associate it with the nutty character from Seinfeld.

      (((kramar))) dear Anna.

      Denise

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  3. Very nice! I love that he got burned in the end :) I could feel the scene

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    1. Thanks Heather. He needed to get burned, lol! He put the perfect in ex. D.

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  4. Life is sometimes poetically cruel. Great scene. I joined in, too, of course.

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    1. Welcome Roland. Yes, poetically cruel, I like that. D.

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  5. Love all the clothing details, both for him and for her. I can really se both of them in my mind's eye.

    Consider changing this:

    "But he’s made up his mind that he’ll let Marsilia do whatever she wants from now on if she’ll just take him back. What’s a few traffic offenses when all’s said and done?" into first person interior thoughts:

    I'll let Marsilia do whatever she wants from now on if she'll just take me back. What's a few... I think it makes it stronger, more personal. I really liked how you did it in the second paragraph, and I think it would sharpen the disappointment.

    Not only not Marsilia, but TATTOOED, the horror! :-) Really believed in these characters.

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    1. Hi Beverly. Great to have you back and I appreciate your suggestions. Looking back at my story, yes, I see that is the better way to put it, more personal. D.

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  6. On the Streets of London is perfect, Sis. Loved that ending!

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  7. Oh Denise that was great. I loved it!

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    1. Hi Ann! Now aren't you a lovely bolt from the blue! D.

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  8. When I read this, I can see clearly the city.. perhaps somewhere in New York.. busy streets, taxi cabs honking.. and this man sees Marsilia but he is mistaken.. how awkward would that be in real life.. and when the girl says, "No wonder buster! Beat it!" I can just hear her accent! She has to be from New York! LOL! Nice post! And thank you by the way for following me.

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    1. I should have had her say, 'Stupid git' I guess. D.

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  9. Love it! A 'damp hole' indeed. She must have been here this summer. (And I say 'summer' with heavy sarcasm.)

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    1. LOL Talli. Watching the Queen's Jubilee made me feel very damp! D.

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  10. Poor guy. His longing made him see what wasn't there. And Marsilia is out of his life for good. It's no wonder- he seems rather critical, not accepting of who she is. Nice write.

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  11. A grumpy man regretting his lost treasure. But wouldn't he go back to his old ways soon enough even if she gave him a second chance? Wonderfully told with the right amount of pain and suspense.

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    1. I'm sure he would Rek. That's the type of character I have in my head. D,

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  12. My dearest Denise,
    You had me throughout the entire story but the ending just did it for me. Wow, very well written and interesting. Even though I laughed at the end, I really felt sorry for the poor guy.

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    1. I loved writing it Andy, vicious man hater that I am. Sure, you can feel sorry for him, lol! D.

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  13. Really enjoyed this, Denise. I keep saying it...you've got a fantastic male voice (I'm sure you don't sound anything like that out of 'muse world'). I don't feel sorry for him either. He should 'beat it' for real! Sounds like the fiery miss could be the next love interest:)

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  14. Thanks Adura. You've given me an idea! D.

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    1. Glad to be at your service, Madam;)

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  15. I think this prompt is really awesome. I mentioned this on another Romantic Friday Writers blog, but I didn't know there could be such a thing as a "perfect ex." ;) haha

    Marsilia and Geffron have to be the best names ever. Especially Geffron - ahh I love it! I like how you used small details such as Marsilia's characteristic habit of not obeying the 'WALK' sign to illustrate Geffron's memories of her (the way she used to be).

    By the way, I'm hosting an awesome blogfest and critique giveaway at my blog from June 22-24 that you should totally come participate in if you're interested! :) Hope you have a great day.

    ~Wendy Lu

    The Roarin' Twenties Poetry Blogfest + Chapter Critique Giveaway (hosted by The Red Angel)

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  16. Hi Denise
    I had to smile. How true it is that those of us who lead a rather dull life long for a little spice. Loved the story. I'm thinking Marsilia might be dead. I hope your hero finds true love.
    Nancy
    PS. I'm not really brave, just studpidly blunt. LOL

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    1. Thanks Nancy. You've got me thinking...D.

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  17. Hi Denise,

    I could actually visualize the London wet weather and him running in his big coat after her!

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    1. Hee hee, me too Nas. Aren't we lucky to live in the Southern Hemisphere! See you soon! Can't wait now! D.

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  18. Ha! I liked it. I love his obsession, and the way he ignores all the ques she is not who he thinks. And I loved her response to his rudeness too.

    This was awesome Denise :)

    .......dhole

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    1. Thank you tweet. Glad the yard sale is over! D.

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  19. Loved how I could picture it all, especially the weather. Felt like I was there. Great job, Denise, with what's in our heads and what's reality.

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  21. What a great turn around at the end! I love the descriptions and strong sense of place in this piece. You painted the scene wonderfully. I found the present tense a little difficult, though.

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    1. Ah, shucks, I wanted to be in the moment with poor Geffron. D.

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  22. Thank you for sneeking me in Denise! Yes, I slept or rather (cough) chatted while the deadline slipped away.
    Nice story. I love those seens where he thinks he sees her and chases after only to find out his imagination was playing tricks on him.
    Denise! Tsk! 400+ words. LOL!

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    1. Weissdorn's back! She rapped me over the knuckles for going over. Yes, tsk, tsk. At least I was honest, lol! D.

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