ON WRITING

“It’s very easy to quit during the first ten years of writing. Nobody cares whether you write or not, and it’s very hard to write when nobody cares one way or the other. You can’t get fired if you don’t write, and most of the time you don’t get rewarded if you do. But don’t quit.” Andre Dubus

Wednesday, 8 February 2012

#RomanticFridayWriters - Challenge No 31- My story, 'The Long Cool Aphrodiasic'

Romantic Friday Writers write to a new prompt each fortnight. As Valentine's Day is close perhaps some of the stories will reflect this. My story this week is not particularly romantic, but tell that to the heroine. Her name is Eve. His name is Adnet (French for Adam). You might find some Biblical overtones within the story. It's here for your enjoyment. Click on the list below if you'd like to read more stories. Check out our next prompt - The Perfect 9.5. You're welcome to write for us. Check us out here...

    The Long, Cool Aphrodiasic.

Charles de Gaulle was not the nightmare she’d imagined. Money can buy anything, she thought, as she was escorted through customs to the waiting car.
She slipped into the limo as one born to the role - smooth, graceful, practised.
The fragrance of roses permeated the interior, but the most pungent smell was money and power.  She luxuriated in the soft leather and thought of Gerard.  
She’d left him wilting in the American midwest. Sorry Gerard.
 This limo must be worth more than Gerard’s miserable little cottage, she mused. Oh, but we had good times there, didn’t we Gerry? She trailed her fingers along the seat and sighed. Butter smooth. What a contrast to the cracked vinyl of Gerard’s old beat-up lounge. The colour was soft grey, the same shade as Gerard’s eyes as he begged her to stay.
Ah, but she could get used to this – crystal glasses, Verve Cliquot champagne in a silver bowl, shimmering lights of fairy-lit bridges and magnificent buildings. She sipped the golden nectar and relaxed into the romantic music.  A bit of a step up from Flatt and Scruggs.
The glittering box beside the champagne cooler tantalised her.
This is the Devil’s apple. He’s tempting me with baubles. Would she turn her back on her old life, embrace the new? Hell yeah!
She swooped up the box, aware that a sophisticated woman of the world might refuse the gift. But she wasn’t a woman of the world. He knew that.
Well if this is being bought, I like it. What a turn on. I’m ready to melt into his arms right now. Sorry Gerard.
Eve. Welcome to Paris. Adnet, the note beside the box said.
Oh my God!
She’d never seen anything like the sparkly jewel that lay on its bed of white satin.
The glinting diamonds dazzled.
I must try it on. No harm in that.
The necklet looked gorgeous as she tilted her compact mirror for a closer look.
I’d rather die than give it back.

She stepped from the limo into Adnet’s arms. His eyes glittered at his gift at her throat.
‘Thank you. It’s beautiful. I shouldn’t accept it.’
His arm circled her waist as he guided her through the restaurant to a private courtyard garden. He dismissed the maitre di, then laid his hands on her bare shoulders. She shivered. He pulled her close and kissed her.
The searing kiss said - you are mine.
She stepped into her fairytale.



©DeniseCovey2012


WORD COUNT:  411  FCA.





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38 comments:

  1. Oh, the writing is wonderful, sis. Such vivid details. Beautifully understated, which I think is most powerful. You capture so much in carefully chosen words. You are the master of flash fiction IMHO!
    Ann Best, Author of In the Mirror & Other Memoirs

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  2. Ann, I'd like to be the master of something, lol! I've been writing so much flash I find it difficult to sustain a longer story, whoopsie do. Thanks for your encouraging comments as always.

    Denise

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  3. Ann is right. Many times in prose, less is indeed more. Your entry is lovely. Did I miss a few days? This is still Wednesday, right? LOL. Roland

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  4. How romantic. Great writing. I would love to see the jewellery she wears.

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  5. Very nice, I could picture that!

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  6. Very nice...you gave her character and life as she decides to step into a new life, with another man.

    I hope her fairy tale comes true.

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    1. So do I Heaven, but I think the chances are slim. D.

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  7. Such great writing. Very vivid and sweet.

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  8. Limo, champagne, chocolate, jewerly, and a rich, handsome boyfriend waiting at the end of the journey.

    No who could ask for a better aphrodisiac that this :)

    .........dhole

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  9. This is wonderful. Part of me feels sorry for her, she's making the wrong choice. But the other part says heck, there's not many that would be strong enough to refuse!

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  10. Dear Denise,
    I agree with Ann Best. You have written such a well-chiseled story! Nothing is out of place!
    Her thoughts about the jewellery: I'd rather die than return it, are foreboding and profetic.
    The last lines really wrap it up: 'A searing kiss...' and lastly: 'She stepped into her fairytale'. And I am thinking:Bluebeard or Faust!

    This will not end happily.

    Excellent writing!

    Best wishes,
    Anna

    'To Paul and Julia' Anna's RFW challenge No.31

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  11. As always, you have great descriptions that pull me into the scene. You've given us an nteresting situation that makes me wonder what is going to happen to this protagonist. Does this aphrodisiac spell trouble?

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    1. Ah and that is just the effect I wanted. D.

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  12. As always, you have great descriptions that pull me into the scene. You've given us an nteresting situation that makes me wonder what is going to happen to this protagonist. Does this aphrodisiac spell trouble?

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  13. Great story, love the lightly pared-down feeling to the words. I got a shiver of foreboding at the end there... have a feeling there's more to come of this story...
    Lx

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    1. Hi Laura. I'm glad you got that shiver of foreboding. I think I came across a little weak there but that is the effect I wanted. D.

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  14. I found this setting poignant and bitter-sweet, although I would have enjoyed reading MORE. That's the saddest thing, I think; when someone writes so well and the reader has this thirst for MORE.
    Just a small footnote explanation for you: A "maitre d'hôtel" or in English a "maitre d'" is something like the restaurant "boss". He's the boss/overseer of everything in the restaurant except the kitchen, and not someone's personal servant. A French butler is called a "Valet" - a misnomer in American English. I believe the French would call an American "valet" a "garde du parking" If I can offer you any other little bits of detailed information, it would be my pleasure.

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    1. They're in Paris. This guy owns the world, so I thought it would be fitting to have the Maitre di running after him. Thanks for your help. I'm always grateful to receive some feedback like yours. D. I'll be over to visit soon.

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  15. Oh those cool jewels have ignited such passions!
    Mine's posted up now too.

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    1. Maddy. A woman and her jewels will not soon be parted. D.

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  16. Lovely snip! But oh, poor Gerard. I wonder what'll happen to her, if she'll ever go back...

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  17. Hi Denise,

    This is an engaging read. You drew me in right from Charles De Gaulle and kept my attention to the end. I love that she's leaving a mundane life for a fairytale lifestyle. So romantic. Well written.

    Cheers,
    Kiru

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    1. Hi Kiru. Interesting isn't it? Some would judge her harshly for just this.D.

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  18. I love how the wealth and power are the aphrodisiacs. She's not seduced by love, but by the lifestyle to which she wishes to become accustomed. I find it both enthralling and disturbing. She's selling her soul and she is happy about it. Mostly. I could have found her cold, but I don't. She's in a fairy tale, if you ignore the sordid details (which she is). I find her intriguing.

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    1. Thanks Erin. Yes, different things are aphrodisiacs for different people. I think she is ambivilent about what she's doing but can't resist the glitz and glamour. D.

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  19. Denise, I wanted to step into the fairy tale with our lady. A befitting valentine tale. Incredibly romantic.

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    1. Thanks Adura. Methinks unbearably romantic...D.

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  20. Hi,

    Oh my, is this heading for trouble! Living the dream is one thing loving it another unless of a butterfly nature! ;)

    best
    F

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    1. Hi Francine. I think you got it in one! D.

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  21. Beautiful and tragic. Seduced by wealth and glamour. Poor Gerard. I hope the grass really is greener on the other side.

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    1. She might have another thing coming. Thanks for stopping by Ellie. D.

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  22. I like this one. Well written. Poor Gerry. I posted too but immediately lost the internet until today so I couldn't let anyone know. Oh well.
    Nancy

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  23. Oh Nancy. I'll come over and look. You're having such internet trouble. D.

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  24. Hello Denise.
    Sorry for my lateness in coming over.

    My goodness...is it me or is it HOT in here! Now I could bash her by saying she's the ultimate gold digger...willing to be bought by the allure of wealth & riches. On the other hand, I could bash him too...willing to buy anything & anyone because he CAN. This is like a Jackie Collins novel...sex, money & betrayal. It's poor Gerald I feel sorry for. Somehow, I cannot foresee a future for her & this Adnet. Rich, wealthy & powerful men always come with conditions. She's the current plaything du jour and I fear he will soon grow weary of her.
    Loved this. C'est magnifique!(did you like my bit of French, courtesy of my wife. LOL!)
    Thanks for sharing.

    Love Has Seeped Into My Heart

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    1. Hi Andy! Thanks for your insights. You're spot on of course. I love the 'plaything du jour'. Your French (thanks to your clever wife) is tres magnifique!

      Denise

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    2. Ooops... I was so proud of myself for sporting some French that I made a boo boo...I meant Gerard, not Gerald. Je m'excuse, madame Denise. ;-)

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