ON WRITING

“It’s very easy to quit during the first ten years of writing. Nobody cares whether you write or not, and it’s very hard to write when nobody cares one way or the other. You can’t get fired if you don’t write, and most of the time you don’t get rewarded if you do. But don’t quit.” Andre Dubus

Saturday, 2 October 2010

They're people too blogfest

This blogfest had me truly beat. I was going to contact Tessa, the host @Tessa's Blurb to ask her to delete me from the list. However I got an idea when blogging around one day, so I’ve had hilarious fun writing this cliche-ridden little piece of dialogue full of Aussie idioms. 
DOWN BY THE BILLABONG
Australian Billabong - courtesy of pacificbliss.com

‘What are we going to do with Slasher?’ Baggie asked. ‘He is off his food lately.’
‘Fair dinkum, Bags, you are a typical first-time mother. You worry too much.’ Ferrous replied.
‘Yes, Ferrie, but he looks like he’s losing weight. It’s a medical condition. It’s called ‘failure to thrive.’’
‘Oh, fiddle-de-di, Baggie! Let the kid eat grass for all I care. He’ll get over it. There's no vegemite sangers here. He’d better get over his fussing if he’s going to be a part of this family.’
Ferrous stomped his fat feet and shot away. He couldn’t stand his whiny female at times. She drove him to the drink.
Baggie tried again. ‘Come here Slasher,’ she cooed. The poor little kid had been hiding in the bushes, listening to every uncaring word his father had said.
Her tiny son poked his dirty pointy nose from under the rough grass.
‘Oh, mummy, I’m sorry, but I just don’t like that food you give me. It’s too tough. It tastes like shoe leather.’
‘Food’s short at the moment Slashie. You know how I told you about the domino effect?’
‘Y..e..s, I remember. But what has tough food got to do with dominoes?’
‘Well, our main food supply is reliant on the tourist industry. Now, listen up,’ she scolded as Slasher began to wriggle away, bored at the lecture that he knew was coming. Sometimes his mother was like a broken record. No wonder his father spent all his time in the drink.
His mother continued, regardless. ‘No tourists, Slasher, affects our food economy. It means not much tucker on the table. We have to eat from the leftovers we’ve put up in the boom time.’
‘So now we’re in bust times, aren’t we Mummy?’ He thought about it, ‘But why aren’t the tourists coming, Mummy? You said Australia’s economy is pretty strong compared to the rest of the world. You told me only yesterday that our dollar was close to parity with the mighty American dollar.’ Slasher was truly puzzled.
‘Well, it's what is called a media beat up, Slasher. The media loves a sensational story and they make sure everyone knows about a family of particularly vicious crocodiles that hang out in this area. The Tourist Advisory Board advises the tourists to stay away from here after the latest death by crocodile. You know, that young fella from Norway who was taken very close to here.’
‘Oh, then what will we eat, Mummy?’
‘Don’t you worry about that, Slashie. Those silly tourists never listen to anything they’re told. They think they're immortal. They’ll be back, you mark my words. Crikey, they always think it won’t happen to them. Fair dinkum they're so ignorant.’ She tossed her head in disgust and smiled her biggest toothy smile at her boy.
‘And we’ll be waiting when they come back, won’t we Mummy?’ Slasher winked his big brown eye with killer lashes, getting into the spirit of things.
‘Yes, Slashie. Daddy’s already down in the river, hiding under those pretty waterlilies the tourists love so much.’
‘Oh, and Mummy, when they lean over real close with their big cameras Daddy will snap one, won’t he?’
‘He sure will, clever Slasher. You’ll never go hungry again!’

THE END

Hope you’re not too grossed out. I enjoyed this way too much. I hope Tourism Australia will not be onto me! Ha! Ha!


I would appreciate it if you could tell me at what stage you knew what I was personifying. 

Now please read some more They're People Too blogfest entries by clicking on Tessa's link at the top.


GLOSSARY OF TERMS:
Baggie - short for 'handbag', of which many are of crocodile skin made
Fiddle-de-di - a cry used by one Scarlett O'Hara from the most excellent book Gone With the Wind
'You'll never go hungry again!' - a play on dear Scarlett's words in the most excellent GWTW
Billabong - a pool of water in the bed of a stream that flows intermittently
The drink - a pun, meaning both 'alcohol' and 'river/billabong/ocean' etc
Ferrous - a play on the word 'ferocious', of which many a crocodile is, especially when confronted by a tasty human
Slasher - crocodiles have many a razor sharp tooth to eat you with, just like Grandma
Vegemite sangers - Black greasy vege substance peculiar to Oz spread onto bread. Travelling Australians miss it with a passion - can I send any expats a bottle?






©DeniseCovey 2010


18 comments:

  1. Good for you that you didn't back out of the blogfest!

    Looks like you found the one good thing to do with cliches- have fun with them. This piece is so funny!

    Jai

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  2. Jai, thanks for reading. I want people to say exactly that - cliches can be funny!

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  3. I finally signed up, but really, I don't know why. My submission was . . ughhh.

    Now, I didn't think crocs. I thought Ogres. Weird, huh? So, I didn't catch on until you specifically mentioned crocodiles.

    But I loved the wordplay. I didn't understand all the terms - but I didn't need to b/c this was so well written the language was just part of the appeal.

    Thanks for the explanation of terms. After reading them, some of the phrases were like - duh, I should have picked up on that!

    This was so clever Denise. I promise to come rescue you from the tourist police if they hunt you down!

    ......dhole

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  4. Donna, thanks you. Glad you liked it. I liked yours too..:)

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  5. Hi,

    Ha ha, gross but funny!

    Loved it.

    best
    F

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  6. I found this not gross at all but rather funny and witty. :D

    Good job!
    Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

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  7. I love learning slang from other places! Thanks for that. :)

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  8. I knew when the baby croc asked when they were eating again. Nice job!

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  9. LOL omg that was fantastic! I'm so glad you decided to join (or rather your Muse struck)!

    *giggles*

    Vegemite. OMG. Marmite was is bad enough! Poor crocodiles!

    Tessa.xx

    ps. I have a tshirt with two bears on it, one of them picking at his teeth with an old bone...just below it says: "Send us more tourists - the last ones were delicious!"

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  10. Francine, Jules, Lovey, Elena, thanks for your comments. Glad you liked the humour/slang..:)

    Tessa: Perfect t-shirt. I need to get one made! Ha ha..:)

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  11. Wow. I was totally lost there for a while until I noticed the glossary. haha I now feel educated in Aussie vocab. ;)

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  12. At first I thought you were personifying murder with the name Slasher, but then I caught on after a while. Funny and well done! :D

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  13. Wow, I'm glad you included a glossary. I love learning new phrases, so this was really neat. And a lot of fun too!

    Scribbler to Scribe

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  14. I thought they were zombies at first, but then realized they were crocodiles toward the end when crocodiles was mentioned. Good dialogue.

    Lee
    Tossing It Out

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  15. KM: Glad you got the glossary..:)

    Brenda: Thanks..:)

    Mesmerix: Glad the glossary helped..:)

    Arlee: Looks like I kept you guessing awhile..:)

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  16. Hahaha I loved the second post!

    Thanks for the follow :-)

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  17. Misha, glad you got a laugh..:)

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  18. "We'll be waiting for them." Oh, what a well-told story! Loved this! The water-lily photo is priceless, too! Going to be sharing a link to this post with many of my friends. :)

    Oh, and thanks for visiting my blog this morning. I just put up a 'murderous' post of my own.

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