ON WRITING

“It’s very easy to quit during the first ten years of writing. Nobody cares whether you write or not, and it’s very hard to write when nobody cares one way or the other. You can’t get fired if you don’t write, and most of the time you don’t get rewarded if you do. But don’t quit.” Andre Dubus

Thursday, 23 September 2010

Blogfeast AND #fridayflash - The Perfect Silence of the Night

I'm combining #fridayflash and Blogfeast so as not to confuse readers with two entries.

Thanks to Angela at JadedLoveJunkie for hosting the blogfeast.

I have experimented with a genre I have never tried to write before. It is a bit different from my usual odes to food and drink and all things delish, but I enjoyed dipping my toes into this idea. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed playing with words.




The Perfect Silence of the Night


The hazy moon hovered in the inky sky, asking the stars to dance.

The milky brightness shone upon the earth, lighting the way for two cloud-shadows who swiftly passed by the trees.

The cloud-shadows drifted through the forest in the perfect silence of the night, onto the bright green carpet of the upland grasses.

Vipunin and Cuchulain, strolling through the trees from the opposite direction, paused, alert. Camouflaged by foliage, they watched, their pale, stony faces rapt, eyes starry bright.

‘Something delicious this way comes,’ murmured Vipunin to his companion.

‘Hmm, delectable...oh, Vipunin, the journey has been tedious thus far. May we feast?’

‘No, Cuchulain, you are too impatient. Let’s watch awhile. Humans are endlessly fascinating. It takes me back...’

The two hungry vampires tugged their cloaks around their tall, slim bodies, blending into the cobalt night.

They watched, bodies twitching, eyes burning, thirst raging within their breasts.

Vipunin and Cuchulain looked at each other and nodded, knowing each other’s thoughts. Yes, the two humans were uncommonly beautiful as they stepped from the shadows into the Verdant Valley, a male and a female.

The male was strikingly handsome, so much so that Vipunin, who considered himself the most arresting representation of the male form on this earth and the next, was instantly awash with jealousy. He clamped his teeth, his jaw fixed in a scowl. This human could be his double, with his thick black curly hair falling to his shoulders and his features etched with pride and strength.

This male pretender will not live, Vipunin mused. He continued his incantation inside his head:

Oh proud one
The darkness awaits
It will claim your soul
then the darkness will eat you whole

Beware Vipunin…

‘The male’s mine,’ Vipunin spat.

Cuchulain gazed at the humans, enraptured. Vipunin was welcome to the male. The female was enchanting. Her long tresses glinted in the starlight, a shimmering curtain of silk. Her face was as sweet as an angel’s, her lips luscious and red. Cuchulain tugged his cloak tighter, his hands spasming at such an extravagance of beauty laid before his feasting eyes.

The humans spread a blanket that looked as soft as fairies’ wings. The female fussed, smoothing the creases, then turned, soft and slow, to recline on the silken cloth. Cuchulain glimpsed a shapely elbow where the sleeve of her peacock-blue tunic slipped away. The male, outfitted superbly in peacock-green from his aristocratic shoulder to his leathered toe, produced an old-fashioned wicker basket. He placed it reverently in the centre of the blanket, then lay beside the female, taking hold of her glorious face and kissing her again and again.

Cuchulain scowled, a deep growl forming in his throat.

With a rapturous sigh, the female sat up, smoothed her skirts, excitement written on her cherub’s face. With her delicate white hands, she daintily lifted the lid of the basket and gazed inside its hidden depths.

Vipunin and Cuchulain heard the humans gurgle with pleasure. The male lifted a flagon of red wine aloft. Vipunin saw it was an ancient, dusty bottle, probably a vintage from the nearby vines. He gritted his teeth. He remembered how he used to drink such wine. He thought of his vines, not an hour’s journey from this very spot, where his life had revolved around the pleasures of the harvest, the wine-making and the celebrations that attended a bountiful bottling.

He remembered with a terrible remembering the night when his human heart ceased to beat and his existence as one of the living dead began...

As he watched the humans sip from silver goblets filled with the rich red nectar, he was smitten by a thirst more powerful than his thirst for human blood.

He ground his teeth in frustration, tempted to rush in and snatch the precious bottle from those frail human hands and taste every delicious drop. He felt Cuchulain's constraint.

‘Not now Vipunin. Not now. Soon, brother.’

Vipunin watched as the female reached into the basket and drew out a loaf. Ah, freshly baked bread. Vipunin could smell its yeasty freshness, but it held little appeal. The male drew his knife and began hacking chunks of the doughy stuff. The female reached inside the basket for a second time, this time withdrawing a chunk of cheese. The rancid smell drifted across the clearing, assailing the vampires’ twitching nostrils.

‘Always hated the stuff,’ Cuchulain sniffed, 'where's the appeal?'

‘You'd wonder at that,’ Vipunin allowed, ‘but it is a good choice to accompany that vintage they’re drinking. Ah,' he laughed softly, 'let them have their stinky cheese. They’re only human, after all. And this is their last feast, remember. Indulge them.’

Cuchulain snickered, his thoughts racing. When was their feast to be? Why was Vipunin standing and staring instead of sinking his teeth into that tasty, tender flesh? Did he wonder, like Cuchulain did, if this was some sort of trap?

There was something a little off about these humans.

Was that why the great immortal Vipunin bided his time?
***
The cloud-shadows played in the cobalt night as the stars danced overhead.

The vampires watched as the hazy moon shone its milky brightness onto the bright green grasses..

...waiting for the perfect silence of the night.

©DeniseCovey 2010


THE END

Please leave me a comment, then click on Angela's link at the top to read some more foody stories.


38 comments:

  1. You did a great job with this story!

    Jane

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  2. Jane, thank you. I hope so..:)

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  3. ...my apologies for taking so long to offer my thanks for your gracious comment on my blog. Thanks so much for stopping by:)

    Read your vamp scene and adored the active prose. I felt as though I was in the story myself...hopefully well hidden behind a live oak, out of harm's way.

    Well done, Aussie:)

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  4. Elliot Grace, thank you for your gracious comment..:)

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  5. I thought about going paranormal with my story, but decided against it in the end. I liked your stalker vampires. It leaves me with just enough of a question to want more. :)

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  6. Thanks Lovy. I enjoyed writing it..:)

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  7. thanks for sharing. Love a good vampire story :)

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  8. Wonderful read L'Aussie. You put us right in the setting. Great job :)
    Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

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  9. That was great. I really got caught up in the ennui and the anticipation of the vampires. Very cool. :D

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  10. I adore vampire stories and loved where you took this one! I'll be back for more.

    Even Zombies Have Taste

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  11. Wow, nice job! Especially going outside your chosen stories.

    Loved that first line with the inky sky. You set the scene well and jumped right in.

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  12. Great read. my favorite line: "‘Something delicious this way comes,’ murmured Vipunin to his companion."
    Honestly I giggled inside :)

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  13. Hi Vamperella,

    Nice going with this. Oooh, yes yes yes . . .gnashing and drooling of fangs and lusting for blooded wine of life!

    Loved the voyeuristic element, too.
    best
    F

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  14. I wonder if there's going to be a twist. I like juxtaposition between human and vampire. The longing - the memory of the life he used to live. Fun blogfeast entry.

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  15. Ooh, nice that you liked my first dip into vampire waters. I might keep going with this. Such fun..:)

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  16. Okay, we need to get another really good blog topic going. I really enjoyed that last one you sent. Any ideas????

    Jane

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  17. You had me from the very first sentence.

    The hazy moon hovered in the inky sky, asking the stars to dance.

    You could have stopped there and I would have sighed with contentment.
    But I'm glad you didn't. This was a fantastic read!

    The memories, the longing-for the past and the present...the suspicion....the atmosphere-beautiful and creepy and dangerous all at the same time.

    Are you planning to do more with it? I hope the answer is yes!

    BTW, I love the new look of your blog!

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  18. I wonder what this new genre is for you, L'Aussie. Paranormal? Fantasy? Voyeurism? If it's that last, I hope you don't get caught doing research. Cheers!

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  19. Hey Words Crafter, you are so sweet. Glad you got into it and liked the descriptions.

    Yes, the story doesn't end there, lots more to it. As you see, I've allowed myself many directions to pursue.

    Thanks for commenting on my 'new look' for spring..:)

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  20. John: Never sure how to take you - hmm, not sure if you liked this, my first dip into the paranormal or not..:)

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  21. I so want the vampires to get their kill! I know I'm absolutely inhuman, but you know, you did a great job of creating sympathy for them. The yearning for the life they lost, yearning for the pleasures they used to take but can no longer have. Their lives transformed.

    I will never tire of vampire stories. I've been bored with some before, but not because they feature vampires. It takes courage to venture into new territory, but you've done well with this new genre. And I so also want that big hunk of yummy bread. I can smell it's fresh-baked aroma from here!

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  22. Angela, thank you for your comment. I enjoyed this. Fancy wanting the vamps to win!

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  23. "Good guys" don't just relate to men in white hats. This was interesting. I'm totally sucked in to your characters and your world.

    I'm going to have to save this post for the lesson on characters. Thanks.

    ........dhole

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  24. Hey Donna: Glad you like my characters and you're most welcome..:)

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  25. Great story, although I really want to know what happens next!

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  26. Very intriguing. I like how they remember the foods, and especially the cheese-and-wine pairing! So the humans are obviously special in some way...you've got me wondering!

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  27. Love your skill at descriptive writing, especially the first two paragraphs. I also love how you used the title for the piece at the start and the end.

    One small note: you mis-typed 'basket' as 'basked'.

    Good job! A different type of feast!

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  28. You can never go wrong with a good vampire story! Thanks for sharing.

    P.S. Your blog is beautiful. :-)

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  29. Place by the fire: So do I, but I have great ideas for these two..:)

    Elena: It's good to wonder. glad you like the wine and cheese..:)

    JC Martin: Oh, a typo! I'm mortified. Thanks for pointing it out. Glad you liked the description..:)

    Shannon: Glad you liked it..:)

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  30. It's so refreshing to read about vampires more in the vein of Nosferatu than Glam Rockers. The pining for mortal life, the living as well as the taking, made this absolutely enchanting.

    Loved this!

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  31. ganymeder: Thank you. Glad you liked it..:)

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  32. Great anticipation and longing for what is lost to them!

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  33. Du pain, du vin, du Boursin .... Du Vampyra. Love it.

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  34. Laura, glad you liked it..:)

    Steve - ah, you got it! Du pain!

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  35. The imagery in this is wonderful, vivid and palpable. I liked your take on vampires.

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  37. G P Ching: Glad you like the imagery and the take on the vamps..:)

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  38. Great job on this story. So lush and evocative.

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